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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> This is so hard!
Post Info TOPIC: This is so hard!
Priscilla83


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This is so hard!
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So, I went with my AH to the beach this easter weekend. Had fun. This is the fist vacation since I got pregnant that he didn't get drunk.
Our daughter is so attached to him, she cries when he leaves for the supermarket. As I posted before, we are not currently living together, although we do have a relationship.
He has been asking me to move back over and over again and I still have a though time saying no, even though I don't want to move back with him. And I know if he keeps insisting I'll cave and move back.
When we were at the beach, it was just so wonderful, talking about the future and raising our daughter and buying a house and being happy. It's hard to come back to reality that my husband is an alcoholic that refuses to get help and that is not going to change.
It's also hard to know that I would be letting down so many people if I move back with him, including myself, but is soooo hard to say no.
I'm finally reading Getting them sober and is helping A LOT. But still I'm confused, lost between what I know is the best thing for me and my old sick enabling habits.

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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

abbyal


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I am assuming your not attending Al-Anon meetings for yourself , please find some qjick u need support from people who understand where your at . this boad is awsome but your m issiing so much by not attending f2f meetings . Give f2f a few months then make a decission based on fact not  fear or guilt . It is possible to live with a practicing alcoholic and be happy , alot of work and  changing has to happen but it is possible . Often it only takes one person to seek recovery to encourage the other to get help , no guarnatees but is a win win situation for you ,either with or with out him u will be ok with  support and help from people who understand .
Louise

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kitty


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I have to agree whole heartedly with abby. Get to meetings, fast.  You say you're happy living apart, having some distance helps with learning about detachment. Plus you say u feel, u would be manipulated to go back, even though it isnt what u really want.  Get face to face support. It will help you to learn to feel good about saying "No" and doing what's best for your family.

Living with active alcoholism is a challenge for adults. Growing up, as a kid in that atmosphere effects your life forever.  There were times I hated my mother for keeping us in that environment.  It did real damage to our relationship too, on my end, it always seems like some negative force has come between us, but she allowed it to happen.

As a forty one year old, planning my own family, I can accept what she did but I am not sure I have forgiven her completely, even still. 

At least your daughter misses him, loves him -- she's not afraid & resentful.  Get the focus on YOU & ur child and off ur AH.  I'm sure he just thinks it's only a matter of time & you'll be where he wants you again.  You have to realize that in your rleationship, is this other force, that has a life of it's own, the disease. Learn as much as you can about the disease & how to put you in focus & not your AH.

It is not selfish for a mother to think of herself. You have to, to be the best parent you can be.  Your daughter deserves one sane parent.

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Priscilla83


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Thanks guys. I'm trying to find a meeting but here in Costa Rica there aren't that many honestly. The only place I know is the clinic that my AH rehabbed in, and they only have counseling, and I can't afford that right know.
And although I know my daughter misses her dad, I would NEVER want her to see what he is like drunk and high. She's only one so I can protect her still, but time is running out til she is old enough. Even know I know she senses things.
Thanks for the support and I'll keep working the program and trying to find a meeting.

Ps: It's amazing that there are millions of AA meetings and almost NO CODA meetings here.


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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

Jerry F


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Percilla...the ratio twix AA and Al-Anon and Coda in your area is normal and that
changes when one person makes the decision to help another and get help back
at the same time.   You have AA to ask and the clinic also if they can support
starting an Al-Anon meeting in your area.    Mind boggling and scarey...you bet
and then back to Abby's statement on the value of it.   Program saved my life
and during the journey I have assisted others to start their own meetings which
helped save the lives of others.  You can contact -http://www.alanon.org/english.html and start there.  We are called "The world-wide
Fellowship of the Al-Anon Family Groups in most areas that I go.

Good luck and if you need support just ask.   (((((hugs))))) smile

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canadianguy


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 I Googled "al-anon" + "costa rica", and came up with the following website... looks like there is one meeting on Tuesdays, and one on Fridays... hope it helps...

Tom

http://www.costaricaaa.com/alanon/


and then this...

COSTA RICA

OFICINA DE SERVICIOS GENERALES DE AL-ANON DE COSTA RICA - (506-256-41-37) Apartado Postal 6331-1000, San Jose <al_anoncr@hotmail.com>



-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 14th of April 2009 05:43:20 PM

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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
abbyal


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this is jsut my opinion but look upAl -Anon , your dealing with alcoholism , it will take care of your co dependency on the alcohlic .

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I came- I came to-I came to be
maresie


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I agree it is very hard in the beginning. I bought a lot of the ex A's promises.  Nothing but nothing he promised ever held true.

I spernt 7 years with him, 4 of them I was in Al anon.  I am so grateful for the program because undoubtedly I'd still be there otherwise.

Maresie.

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maresie
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