The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Wasn't planning on going to my F2F meeting last night. Really didn't feel I had anything to offer anyone anywhere and had no intention of going in there and raining on everyone's parade with my "I don't know if I want to be a part of this program anymore or not" attitude. Well my sis in law had also had a rough week, and I could tell by talking to her that she needed to be at that meeting, however I didn't get the impression she would go without me, and I could not have that too on my conscience, so I told her to get ready and I would pick her up. Went into the meeting, NOT wanting to be there, NOT feeling like I had anything to offer anyone. Lo and behold we had 1 newcomer and 2 out of towners last night. I told my story and was very honest letting them know that after what I had seen of recovery and making amends and working a program out of EXABF that I wasn't sure I wanted that in my life, nor wanted to be a part of anything that caused people to treat one another like that. I also told them how I have been feeling crazy, like I'd run over my EX with a car if I saw him last night, etc. Within minutes everyone in that room through there own story hit the nail on the head how I was feeling, with one lady telling a story of a woman who ran over her husband SEVERAL times to make sure that he was dead-ANYTHING she said "to make the pain stop", before she realized that SHE had the power to be happy and end the pain. "ANYTHING" I thought-"to end the dance". Another lady spoke of the crazy in her head and how staying away gives way for it to return over and over. EVERY story there was like they were speaking right to me and I know most were........most were trying through there stories to let me know I belonged there and what it could offer me in a way of life and happiness....I actually fought back tears several times as I could FEEL that they KNEW how I was feeling and what I was going through. One lady even told me to come in my PJ's if I couldn't get dressed:) I felt better when I left there and even more exhausted. I still can't maintain a thought for long and can't even begin to figure things out in my head, so I've decided that just for today I am going to trust that my body, mind and soul need this rest and I am going to take it easy and not push myself to get through this period of time. When the time is right for me to move forward I am certain HP will let me know and I'll be ready......for now I'm not and I know that is His will also. For now I am digging in with both feet and holding on to my program with everything I have... thanks for the thoughts, prayers and ESH...... May HP bless each and everyone of you...... Living in the day...... Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Actually Shelly there are only two meetings you need to get to...those that you want to and those you do not want to. Part of part I of my lesson on commitment and perserverance. Thank you early sponsors.
Shelly- Thanks for sharing that. I'm new to this forum, and reading your ability to practice the program's principles is what I needed to hear. I don't want to do the dance any longer either and this program shows me I don't have to -I don't have to live in the insanity and 'I hate the world' mentality. Again, thank you for sharing.
Such a great post Shelley, truly inspiring and thanks for the honesty, its not all songs and dances and I know that feeling too, I also know that crazy anger, kill anger, not pleasant,
