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Okay headed off to the Super Saturday Al-Anon Family Group meeting without any expectations other than life would continue to be just the same ole, same ole gray dreary pain in the butt it has been lately. Of course before getting in the car one of my fishing poles that I tried to stack wouldn't cooperate and wanted to keep falling away from the wall at me. Wouldn't it do better if it was in 4 pieces and stacked in the trash can? I forced it into place and ordered it to "Stay!!". Got into the car, wife driving so I couldn't blame all of them outside of the car for my crappy attitude and she's got enough program that knew I wouldn't "win" if I tried messing with her serenity. It was Easter Egg Staturday; little plastic eggs with kisses inside (why is someone always screwing with my diet!!) and program reminders written on the outside. I wasn't all the way into the meeting but most of the way into my pitty pot LOL and the eggs I got I right off noticed had a mis- spelled word. When I got my chance to share I let the room know that for me lately the word has not been "Gratitude" but "Grrrr-attitude". I've been focusing on negative stuff lately and if it wasn't really negative I've been adding more ego and pity to it so that I could really be pissed off and throw tantrums. I mentioned the fishing pole before coming to the meeting and out of the corner of my eye saw my spouse nodding her head up and down, up and down. Witnesses!! who needs them?!!
Yes I've been around for a while and I know that a sure halt to the "poor me attitude" is an "Attitude of Gratitude". I've gotta do a tenth step. Look at stuff like using power and control, absense of acceptance and gratitude, and adding too many "R's" into my life...Remorse, Regret, Resentment, Rage, Righteousness (self), Resistance... I'll open it up for the family to give me feedback.
All ESH on an attitude of Gratitude will be slowly read and taken to heart.
They say look for someone that has something you want? WEll, I do and there are lots and lots of people on here who I respcet and admire greatly, infact YOU Jerry F, just have a way of always making me smile, even on your grrrrrrrrrrrrrr days, just reminds me that even alanon lifers suffer the odd grrrrrrey day, never mind just add an A and change the y to a T, and here's hoping you get to have some very nice grrrrrrrrrrrreat days soon!
Aw Jerry, life cannot always be big bushes of puakenikeni. Its ok to have some sucky days. Makes the good ones seem even better. Balance in all things, 'eh? Easy does it, man. Grrr a little to purrr a little (a bit later). Progress, not perfection. Hugs, J.
Were it not for the bad days I guess we would not be able fully to appreciate to good ones. By "detaching" from the pole you did use a valuable Al-Anon tool. But, you still have a little issue with "control", as evidenced that you ordered to pole to "STAY". Another tool you used, I might add very wisely, was not messing with your wife's serenity. That tool is "How Important Is It". Anyone who has been married over two weeks understands that one. I learned that one years before I came to Al-Anon.
The main thing I think you have to be thankful for is that the eggs were plastic and had kisses in them. If they had been real you would have had to get you wife to stop on the way home so you could purchase a couple of boxes of GAS-X------- $3.99 for 12 pills. It's hard to eat just one egg!!! Grrrrrrrrr.
EGG HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 11th of April 2009 07:10:16 PM
WOW :) You are Human lol... Boy do I know Grrrr Days ... I have just made it thru a Grrrr WEEK... Lol... Now here I sit, Easter Eve. Check'n on my MIP Family, and ya know.. It aint so bad... My Boy is snuggled safely in bed, my husband is begining to feel better, I get to have dinner with my "Momma" tomorrow, and even tho the entire week, knocked me to my knees... I still got some left.. I still have the need to want more then this..
You have helped me come thru some pretty dreary times Mr. Jerry, and I am most grateful for your knowledge, your sharing, your compassion... You are someone that I admire...
Get your chin up, and have your self a wonderful Easter, and make those eggs come to life, Love the colors, and enjoy the happiness of the day, and my guess is those poles was only hit'n you in the head try'n to tell you something... ;) I think they are tired of hangin on the wall... They want more time on the water... :P ...
Thank you for your share, you proved to me you too are human, and sometimes in my mind, I am the only one! Were you are.... So Thank You... You always find a way to inspire.. Even on your Grrrr days
Wishing you and your family a Beautiful Belssed Day with the HP... One Day at A time, and sometimes... One Moment... Thank You ;)
Well, ya know Jerry, thats why I like you. You are quick to offer your experience, strength and hope with a humble flair, always willing to keep on receiving, so you can keep on giving. A pretty nice cycle, I must say....
I've been feeling amazingly serene this past week, but have been hesitant to say it outloud for two reasons. 1) What if it is just a passing phase, and I really am not serene at all? What if its just an illusion and I just think I am serene and 2) If I say it outloud will you all hold me to it? Can I come back in a week, a day or an hour and be full of pity, sadness, resentment and anger?
Truth be told, I know the answers. 1) it's okay and 2) you'll nod your heads with undertanding and love me anyway.
Thanks for sharing the great stuff and the grrrs... we all got em.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
hi my friend Jerry You are a mentor for me...and your honesty about life gives me much thanks that you are a friend... on my grrrrrr days i think about hp and his miracles...all of us...i remember the man with no arms and no legs that is an instrument for hp...it brings me back to gratitude for life as is...Nick is his name...one day at a time, progress not perfection...thank you friend...for ur share...
My friend, you give so much of yourself to us and others in recovery... it is great to witness and benefit from your kindness!
When I find myself having those days (when every little thing "bugs me"), I usually also find that I am not taking enough time to care for myself. Sleep, diet, downtime, HALT, an indulgence, pencil myself into the calendar.... in fact, that was my today. My saturday, my down day... and I was non-stop people-pleas'in and not mindful of my body/mind balance. So here I am, taking some "ME" time.
It is okay for me to have a bad day... even 2 or 3... it happens, and I usually am the victim of my own ingratitude. I think I'll go make myself a treat, then relax and try to make peace with my obsessive mind.
I have all the confidence that you will find what you need to get out of this slump. You are too wise and surrounded by people that love you to let it be a bother for too long.
regards, cj
PS... and great idea to come here and write it down!
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
This is what I call life on life's terms. I am usually the eternal optimist. But I seem to go through these stages in which my attitude is the pits. I was reading hubby's book: The Tao of Sobriety. In a nutshell there's a part that teaches you to recognize the feelings and let them be. Sometimes feelings are just feelings and it's okay for them to be there. You can't force somethings. Sometimes I just need to be a crappy mood in order for me to get on with things. As long as I am not mean or hurtful to anyone then it's okay and as long as it doesn't last for months it's okay. Eventually the mood changes. The load is lightened. I'm not worried about you. You are a source of inspiration and strength here. If you want to be in a mad mood, I love still love you. Leave your fishing pole in tact. Nothing better than being near the water and feeling the serenity. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong,
Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Thanks for your honest share. I have the "6 Rs" flying around my head on a regular basis. Most days I use the tools of alanon- Gratitude Lists, Prayer, and Sharing to enable me not to pull them into my mind and ruin too many days. I am grateful to alanon because I now know I can Choose to keep these "Rs" within me and continue to destroy my life OR when I am ready, I can use the well known tools to disperse them. When I get sick and tired of being sick and tired= I use my tools.
This is truly a fellowship of equals and I too appreciate the wisdom and compassion and humility of your shares
I hope fishing was fun
-- Edited by hotrod on Sunday 12th of April 2009 07:19:06 AM
My precious recovery friend. Sorry to hear life has you by the butt at the moment. All I can offer in the way of inspiring words are reminders of the other Jerry F I've come to know and admire, hope you don't mind if I share a bit about him with you now... He accepts that life won't always be as he wishes it will be and knows there is a HP you is in control. He challenges his own mind and others to find the very best within by reminding me, this too shall pass. He asks me "How important is it, in the big sceme of things" He appreciates when I can find humor where I had before always found sorrow. He encourages me to not take things personally which helps me get past my ego. He admires my willingness to give things over so I can move forward in the proper spirit of healing. He understands when I want to list my grr moments and reminds me to quickly list my aha moments and dwell on those instead. He shares his progress and passion for the beauty in life. He reminds me I have choices and I can choice to start my day over at any given moment. He helps me reflect on where I am and where I've been and asks me which I would rather be. He is strong when life wants to trick him into skipping out on growth opportunities He is faithful to those who attend meetings and learn along with him He is passionate about not beating himself up when those old selfish feelings try to sneak back in He is and will continue to be someone I look up to. Hope you find him again soon, he's helped me gobs and I know that same man can help you along with your HP back to who you are meant to be.
Hello Jerry! Gratitude was one of hte first 3 things I learned in Alanon. The first was the 3 C's, the second was get active and the third was gratitude. The serenity prayer has always been in my life, even before alanon. In the beginning of my recovery the most important thing I learned was the gratitude list, starting from A - Z. Doing that list was my lifesavor when I couldn't bring myself to get active or was stressed or couldn't sleep. It's amazing how long i was living on the pitty pot. I have to say that gratitude is the driving force in my recovery.
I'd love to go fishing!!! It's been a long time and I really enjoy fishing with my A. I think you should take your wife on a date and go fishing!
When, in early Alanon, I first heard the suggestion of doing a gratitude list, I scoffed - what possible good could that do? These were serious problems I had! Distracting myself wasn't the answer!
Even when I tried to actually do one, it didn't help much - yeah yeah, I'm grateful for good health and a roof over my head and for sunshine on the water, yeah yeah.
Then I found a group doing an A-Z gratitude list online. One of the people called it an "alphagrat" . And I found that listening to what others were grateful for reminded me of things *I* was grateful for, that I had forgotten. Sometimes they fell into categories - foods , attitudes, program tools, concepts, times when this or that happened. And I found that at the end - I was smiling. So, I saved one of those "alphagrats", and when I get really grrrrr-y, if I'm lucky I remember it's there, so although I find myself incapable of doing one NOW, that old one is still there, and I can go back and re-read it.
I find that it gets me out of going around in circles in my head. It brings me back to me instead of focusing on somebody else. It puts me, to use a favorite phrase heard after an alanon meeting, in the solution instead of in the problem. And I still smile.
lol... Boy do I know Grrrr Days ... I have just made it thru a Grrrr WEEK... Lol... Now here I sit, Easter Eve. Check'n on my MIP Family, and ya know.. It aint so bad... My Boy is snuggled safely in bed, my husband is begining to feel better, I get to have dinner with my "Momma" tomorrow, and even tho the entire week, knocked me to my knees... I still got some left.. I still have the need to want more then this.. 
, attitudes, program tools, concepts, times when this or that happened. And I found that at the end - I was smiling. So, I saved one of those "alphagrats", and when I get really grrrrr-y, if I'm lucky I remember it's there, so although I find myself incapable of doing one NOW, that old one is still there, and I can go back and re-read it.