The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I believe I stayed with the ex A because I did not want to deal with the wreckage of our relationship. When I met him I was on the up, good job, looked great, popular and had many choices. My credit was good. Now I don't look great (need to lose 40 lbs) my credit is wrecked need 5 years to clean it up, the economy has tanked and I don't much like the choices ahead of me. There are good things like being able to take care of my health but my choices are extremely limited.
One of the reasons I stayed with the ex A was that I do not deal well with reality. I don't like where I am and I am not in a great place to make changes for a long time. I really do not like that reality one bit. I know the credit situation is limited I will not always have it hanging over me. I also know that I am not alone in the situation.
Nevertheless I am looking at a good 5 years of trying to rebuild my life one step at a time. I feel robbed, stipped and very angry. I am angry that I could not face reality and did not know where to turn. I am also angry that I don't have the skills to make rapid changes in my situation. I cope far better these days but I can't say I like where I am one bit. I see improvements, get improvements in my abilities and program but my life will take a long long time to reflect that.
I waited till far too late for the ex A to hit one bottom after another. By the time I left he had destroyed everything.
I know whatever happened he would have destroyed my credit, whatever way I turned I knew I would pay for making an investment in him. There were no easy answers, there was no "soft" way out.
I also know for me at last there is no going back. Whatever mess the ex A has in his life I am in no position to ever "do" anything for him again and I have no concern or caring left for him, his disease destroyed that absolutely. That's one reason I maintain a concrete, absolute silence towards him. I want nothing to do with him ever again. His disease took everything with it. Maresie.
Thank you for your honest share. Living in rality is difficult but my magical thinking created huge problems and solved nothing. i also had a huge debt when my husband passed away and felt as if I would never recover. I believe that was because I wanted everything to be solved and paid immediately. When I finally accepted as you have that this recovery fromthe financil abyss would take time and all I could do was chip away at it while also working on other pars of my life, it became manageable and not the complete focus of my life.
You have your plans and your are accomplishing your goals You will get there Just keep taking it one day a a time.
ty for ur share...i can relate to ur story....ty....for me i came to a realize that step 1 was for me that i am powerless to my own desires to correct my life...it helps me to accept my situation for today...and with step 2 and 3 i find gratitude to know that hp can help and i let hp everyday....my life is my life and with gratitude for it today...i find a lot of peace...i trust that my life will progress in the right direction with hp's help...and it has....for that i am thankful. This program has given me tools that helps me to stay in the present and and find gratitude...progress not perfection..
-- Edited by lavaboy on Friday 10th of April 2009 02:06:50 AM
-- Edited by lavaboy on Friday 10th of April 2009 02:10:58 AM
