The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At the suggestion of my sponsor, I am revisiting Step 1 and making a list of things I am powerless over. Feel free to add to this list or comment as you see fit - hopefully someone besides me will get something out of this.
At a high level, my powerlessness can be summed up to encompass a few rather large areas that can directly affect me and my state of mind. These are listed in no particular order of importance:
1. Other people's behavior 2. Other people's choices 3. Other people's feelings 4. Other people's beliefs 5. The weather (ok, that's an easy, obvious one) 6. The economy (see item 2) 7. Alcohol (see items 1 and 2) 8. What other people say to me and how they say it (see item 1) 9. Other people's reactions to my behavior (see items 1 and 3) 10. The past - I can't change it 11. The future - I can't predict it
To be more specific, I am powerless over anything my AH does - whether it's from drinking 24/7 to interrogating me about a Bunco party to overcooking the food on the the grill to making the choice to drive to the hamburger joint with our young son in the car after having been drinking all day.
This seems to be such a short, deceptively simple list. Who knew it could be so difficult to keep all of this in mind from day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute?
Did I miss anything big here?
Thanks for listening,
bg
Update: Just FYI - I will not be putting my son in the position of having to get in the car with his dad if he's been drinking going forward. I made the mistake of trusting my AH when he said he would cook at home, which he ended up not doing. I won't be doing that again.
-- Edited by blender_girl on Tuesday 7th of April 2009 11:19:42 AM
Your list is longer than mine - the only thing I've been thinking about when saying the serenity prayer "accept the things I cannot change," the only thing I think about his my husband's drinking. Guess there's a lot more for me to learn.
((((blendergirl))))) I love your list.....but one thing truly sticks out to me. I was told by the court system (I am in the middle of a divorce) that if I allow the kids to get in the car with my ex a, after he's been drinking, I'll be charged with neglect. So that is one thing I had to have control over. Sad as it is because now my son does not see his father. Prayers and hugs.....grateful
I was just strolling through the posts, as usual, and came across your's. Just in the time I needed it too. I had been thinking about going home for a vacation. The last time I went my AH went out on a bender, got the car stolen, and was gone for 2 days. He was supposed to be taking care of our kids, then 17 and 13, both out of school for summer. Granted they didn't need a lot of "taking care of" but they needed guidance and permission to do things. They needed a parent here is what I am saying. I had tried previous to this time to keep my AH's antics quiet so the kids didn't have to be bothered with him but that flew out the window. But it wasn't my fault, he chose to do that. Thank goodness his parents were in town and back up, I had a feeling he would "act up". I was right but while I was out of town I didn't really even care because I knew my MIL and FIL were there to help out. As usual. I really needed to read that list to help me remember MY responsibilities and to keep my side of the street clean because that's all I am responsible for. Thank you so much for this post!!
