The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Do relationships exist where you can count on your spouse being emotionally available? Will my A Hubby ALWAYS be emotionally unavailable?
Is it too much to ask for my a husband to put my cares, concerns, hopes, dreams, fears or even our marriages hopes and dreams somewhere on his list of things to address, mention or even somewhat show interest in?
You know..if the plants don't get water they will die.
When I get nothing from my husband, I want to leave. I shouldn't have to ask if I can lean on him. And when I do ask, he should be able to recognize its urgency and not put it off to go let the dog out or get a glass of water or whatever else he chooses to do that helps him ignore REAL LIFE!!!!
Today, I am feeling like going get watered by someone else! And that's not good.
I know Jean, and it's because of HP that I have not crossed that line.
I just want too much out of my A and I'm getting lonely. It's not easy with him in my life and sometimes the grass looks greener with him not in my life.
I know exactly what you mean. It's like they just expect us to sit around and wait on them. I told my A today you know if this keeps up you may come home from work 1 day and nothing will be left in our apartment. All he can say is you have no where to go. Yeah keep thinking that...
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I think lots of us get tired of living in what I call the Grey Area, things not getting any better, and for me getting worse, but it happens so slowly over time that you have to look back to realize that yes, the disease is taking a stronger and stronger hold. I have lived in that area for way to many years. Al-Anon was God sent. I turned my AW over to Him 100% over a year ago. Right or wrong I now pray to my HP to guide her to either get better or to get worse. I call that the Black Area or the White Area. I pray it is the White Area, where she chooses and seeks help for her disease. If not, I pray she gets worse, (Black Area) hits bottom and has to seek the help she needs. I can't make either happen. Again, HP is in total control of that. If I am wrong for feeling that way, then I am sorry.
I am tired of the disease and tired of the Grey Area. Give me Black or give me White, because I am not sure how much longer I can live in the Grey Area. Were it not for my HP and this program my guess is that I would have already been done. I think HP wants all of us to seek happiness Tonya, that seems to be what we are both asking. I know I for one intend to do a better job of seeking it regardless of what direction HP leads me. The words "Life Is Short" keep ringing in my ears, and have for longer than I care to admit.
LIke the others here, I too can relate to the unanswered questions. How long is too long to wait for fulfillment? Does feeling like I've stayed in my unfulfilled marriage mean I am looking to the wrong person for fulfillment (my aH) rather than to myself? If all I have to rely on is myself for fulfillment, is there any reason to continue a relationship with my aH? I too can relate to the chiming in the distance..."...life is short..."
Aloha Tonya...I get that stuff from HP and the groups. I am not married to an alcoholic today. My current wife is and has been in recovery for a while still we are not perfect and at times need others to fill in the holes; both of us. I have learned to ask, be patient and have other healthy resourses. Learned that in program. Also learned to temper my expectations of the world around me and myself. Looking for the good in my spouse and others reduces the need.
Keep coming back...It works when you work it. (((((hugs)))))
He should be able to tell ? no hon he isn't a mind reader . We have to learn to ask for what we need . wanna hug go take one . Alcoholism is very selfish disease ,drinking or not . And use that phone list u got from your meeting if u need to talk they are really the only ones who understand you anyway . *hugs*
I understand because I also have an emotionally unavailable A. If he doesn't like the conversation, he changes the subject abruptly. If I tried to lean on him, I'd fall on the floor. Will your A change into a concerned tower of strength for you? No.
I have stopped trying to involve him in my thoughts, dreams, ambitions, etc. He simply doesn't want to hear anything that is not superficial.
UGH!
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
