The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi everyone. I been reading the post for quite a while. Boy has it helped me alot. Yes I also go to F-F meeting too. I been married to my AH for 30 years. I'm still young yet too 47 Yes I got married young to get out of my alcoholic home. Hummm ! And here I am. Living it. I have 4 boys they are gettin tired too. They don't want to come home any more. I went to see a lawyer for the first time. I told him to get out 1000 times. He will not go. I'm just tired of the broken promises and don't go any where with the family. I'm tired of living alone when he is still there. He drinks beer every day when he comes home from work. he says it helps him relax yeah right. He palys on the computer and listens to this sad a$$ music and drinks till he can't walk. I just can't watch it any more he is also on meds for depression and high blood pressure, smokes like a fean.
I wrote him a letter maybe my last plea to see if he would change I talked about the last 30 yrs of our marriage and how he has become a shell of a man I used to know. How alcochol has effected all our lives and our sons lives. Some day I will write it on here. But he did not even say a word about it. It hurt me so much. I just know I have to do what is good for me to get back to center and my values in life. I love him that will not change but HATE the disease. Sometimes it hard to even call it a disease coz there are non like it out there its differant than Heart disease or Cancer.
I can detach sometimes but other times it just builds up I can't shut up or stuff it down any more. I'm so glad I found you all. Thanks for listening to me and hope you can relate. I know every story is differant but we are all effected by it. GRRRRRRRR
Love Deb
__________________
I put my hand in yours and together we can do what we could not do alone.
WELCOME TO THE MIP FAMILY:) Glad you Found Us :) You have made the first step, your here, AND Goin to meetings so your doing good:)
Yes we all have our own story... Mine, My Afather past of Alcoholism this past Thanksgiving, at the age of 58, and I have siblings that also have "A" problems them selves... It is not stop all the time, something has to be going on..
My Afather was one that "Had to have a drink EVERYDAY & NIGHT 2 relax"... Yeah, I too don't mind a drink from time to time, but it does NO LONGER run my life... It use to when I was younger, but I guess I wanted to "Let It Begin with ME :)" My father had (5) kids (Thats the ones we know of), and he missed 90% of ALL of our lives, because ..Well He Needed to Relax... As much as he drink I don't think there was MANY days at all "He wasn't Relaxed"... My Abrother...whom, never grew up with my Afather... Couldn't be more of a split'n immage of my father if he "Sh*t" him himself... Makes ya sick really...
It is a Hard disease to live with, or around for that matter... And for me I guess I don't always except it as a disease, because all I had to do was "Make a Choice", and I feel that is all there is too it... I have the blood, I have the excuses, I have good reason :), but I CHOSE to lay it down... So Yeah I am with you on that one...
Your right tho time to take care of You and Your boys... Let him fight his disease, and you take care of what you can control.... YOU... Welcome Again...
Take what you like and leave the rest... :) One Day At A Time :) Friends In Recovery Jozie
I hear a great deal of "PeaceWithin" in your post and am glad you found this Board and are attending Al Anon Meetings.
I agree, alcoholism is cunning and powerful and quite unlike any Disease.
It not only infects the drinker but the entire family. People who do not have the disease cannot fully understand the compulsion and that is why AA works. AlAnon understands the effect of living with this disease and offers powerful tools that have enabled me to live my life to the fullest.
I have felt exactly what you described so beautifully in your posting. Married 30 years, 4 children, and still love the person but can no longer witness the destruction.
I have been there, and believe that was my bottom. I finally reached Acceptance of my situation and my powerlessness. With that came the freedom to use alanon tools to make the changes that were right for myself and family.
I had to double up on my meetings, re-work the steps with my sponser and agree to not make any major changes in my life for 6 months.
This time the program took on a whole different meaning, as I no longer was going in order to change him. I was going in order to change myself.
Please keep posting, going to meetings, you deserve to be happy.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 30th of March 2009 10:03:09 AM
I can relate very much. The ex A I was with played games once for 3 weeks straight. He'd either be the life of the party out with his friends or at home sullen and mean. He engaged with very little.
Al anon really helped me I started to reach out to people here, go to the chat room and learn how to detach. I can understand detaching is extremely hard at first but if you can master it there is no better skill to have.
There are other al anon tools that can help like "how important is this".
I really encourage you to give al anon a go. In theory it is all at your keyboard, you can go to meetings here and to the chat room.
