The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Except that he doesn't know that I know. He was clever enough to even leave his usernames and passwords written down for me. I would be concerned for the marriage (if I thought that we really have one left), and if I hadn't googled the sites to learn that they are scams that want to lure him in to register for high paying accounts based upon the 'hits' he has on his profile. Most amusing to me is his lies in his profile :) Age, physical ability/activity. Ha ha Ha, well the hot babes at the other side lie and/or are only doing it for a paycheck, so I watch...
So, please, who else has comparable stories?
-- Edited by canadianguy on Saturday 28th of March 2009 01:27:07 AM
I guess it boils down to the answer to the question - is it worth your time and energy to be paying so much attention to his lies, and indiscretions? I agree - he's a mess.... but it doesn't do YOU much good to get into the swirl with him....
There is an old saying - "he is either gonna drink (or surf porn, or be an adulterer) or he won't... what are YOU gonna do?".
Take care of you
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I had a little bit of experience with this. I just put my foot down and said no more. I left. If someone needs to do that (and be all secretive and hiding about it), that is not a good thing for me. Some women do not care. I do. That is me. I accept and love me. First. Real Simple. Hugs. J.
I still feel that you do "deserve more." I had to learn that it was my responsibility to make sure that I got what I needed in my life. I knew I deserved to live my life with some order, serenity, and peace. I could do that only by attending alanon and picking up the simple tools offered.
Alcoholism is a progressive destructive disease. The alcoholics in my life could not give me what I needed. Alanon meetings, sharing, working the steps enabled me to completely take the focus off the alcoholic and focus on my destructive reactions to this disease. When I truly accepted the true nature and depth of this disease, I accepted what a waste of time it was to talk about, figure out, or check up on.
My focus had to be on myself and what I needed to do to take care of myself. Alanon tools enabled me to do just that
I am sorry that his disease is prgressing & yes believe it or not this is a symptom of addiction. Now, like Tom sd, what wonderful thing can you do for yourself today? Put yourself first, focus on YOU and live YOUR wonderful life in spite of what other people are doing.
YOU deserve the best!
__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I can't help but wonder, why haven't you asked him? Why haven't you confronted him? I was talking with someone who was convinced her boyfriend was cheating on her, but she wouldn't confront him, telling me her gut told her everything she needed to know. I challenged her, saying, much like CanadianGuy said, that you're creating a whole universe of possibilites based on suppositions, vs facts. And feelings are not facts, but facts create feelings, very strong ones. And when we don't have all the facts, we create unnecessary feelings for ourselves, becoming hostage to them. And the whole objective of our recovery is to not be hostage to anyone--including ourselves and our reactions.
When my ABF was drinking he did the same thing....I believe it is part of the disease. They see that we are not living our lives for them, are standing up for ourselves and they know why...ALCOHOL.....Out of fear, they want to search for some afirmation from anyone that they are ok, desireable and that they dont have to change.... Keep working your program, realize this has NOTHING to do with you and know you are in my prayers :)
__________________
What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
Thanks everyone! I have not confronted him for several reasons -if I do confront hm, he will hide it more carefully (that's what he does with the drinking). Every time I would find a stash or explain how I knew he was hiding much of how much de drinks, he would be more careful, and not do that thing any more. I would still know that he was hiding a lot of what he drank, but he hid it more creatively. I know longer reveal how I know, so that I have an easier chance of keeping track. If I let on about these websites, I'll blow myself in, and he'll hide it more creatively. -I'll be going away to visit family in a few weeks - I need things to be stable at home. I can't get into a big xxxx-storm right now. -I want to talk to an attorney first.
The devil that you know is better than the devil that you don't.
I'm patient, once I know what my plan is, then I will put it in action. I'm watching and learning now.
As for me? I have been living my own life now for a while. He sleeps most of the time that I am around- I work, so am not home 40+ hrs during the week. I have a number of hobbies that I amuse myself with, which give me much pleasure and happiness.
I suppose I needed to vent when I started this thread. A change will come, but I need to get things lined up for me.
