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Well... Here we are again... Welp, today I got out of bed, felt pretty good, got up showered and got the boy movin for school, today was my day to volunteer up at my sons school I go up every wens. Mind ya I don't get to see my son, because the program I run is for the elementary, BUT since my neice & nephew are BOTH in elementary so I kept with the program because I love to have those couple extra time with them...
So I go to the school, and I know ALL the childrens teachers, and I stay close to them to check on the kids... Sooo this morning I go in and one of my friends come in and ask me if I knew what happened Yesterday! Of couse since my Abrother no longer speaks to me, it is hard to keep up... Sooo The teacher then tells me that they (His Children) came to school Late, and the son told his teacher that they were late Because.... Daddy (Abrother) broke in their house (Now he lived in it last week but this week he is breaking in) and then threw thier mom off the front step... And They "the children" said mommy broke her leg... OK so the kids are 6 & 8 and they have ALWAYS had A parents so they picked the behaviors of their parents when it comes to telling the truth, and Stretching the story... So I find out how much truth is in it, and ask around..
Well when I get the kids by them selves, I talk to them about school, and about homework and ask if there is anything bugging them that they would like to talk about, When I had my nephew he is the oldest, I ask him if he had a ruff day yesterday and he said yeah, I guess... I ask what happened, and he said "Mom 'tripped' on the porch, and fell and had to go the doctor", so I leave it alone, I speak to my niece, (who isn't so easy to lie) and I ask her the same thing, and she says, "Mom was leaning on the pole by the door and tripped" well she sat and rung her hands, in nerves, and she knew she just told me a lie, and I gave her a minute of silence to see what would happen, and she said, "Aunt..... daddy and mommy was fighten Again and that is why mommy had to go to the doctor"
Then as speaking with her I said to her... "I hear you are taking a trip to FL for Easter are you excited" and welp... She blew me off my feet, she said " Yeah... Mommy said that if we like it (in other words She likes it) that we will move there....I had to get her back to class because I could not stop the tears... If she take those kids to FL they will have NO protection from "Her adictions" and the only family there is a another Aunt who last time I seen her she was an addict as well... I know that i can not control what is ment to be, I know that it is out of my control, but it doesn't make it hurt Any less, it doesn't make it go away..
All and PRAY WITH ME My Abrother has court tomorrow... I SOOO want him to go to jail.. I know that may sound terrible, but truly, all he is doing out of jail is sinking furture in alcohol, at least in there, he would be forced to sober up for a while, maybe had a complete "Human" thought, I would never expect him to come out and be alcohol free, but I would like him to detox.. Is it bad to want your baby brother to be locked up, I mean really... Am i being uncaring and cruel? I am just tired of the hurt that I have to feel on a regular basis, I am sick the children being in that place.. I know that place...I lived it...
If I had a bigger house, i would so have those kids, I would raise them myself, but I can't.. I want too, but I can't... I am just at a loss, I have been praying all day and night, for him to go to jail, in hopes that the children could at least have a break from it all for a while, their fighting and bickering all the time...She will be in compitetion with No One if he is in jail, and she will have to come up with sitters and what not, because he always watched the kids as she worked... So she is going to have a long road as well... I am just ticked, pissed, aggravated, upset, angry, and well SICK OF IT!!!
I am sure there is more details that I have left out, truthfully.. I am just exausted with the whole thing... Any ESH would be great... This is why I stay away, and now, they are taking the one thing I truly enjoy and that is volenteering at the school... My family is why I quit going to ANY local bars to see friends because everytime I went I ran into "Family Drama", that was 4 years ago, now they are bringing it to the school...
All and I did talk to the counsler up at the school and ask that she take time and talk to the kids when she could, because they need all the help and attention they could get, she agreed and said we will just cross our fingers and see what the court day brings... So was that the right thing to do? Don't know? It couldn't be any more wrong then the life they have to live everyday... I am not a hater...Truly.. I'm not... but I have my days were this disease does NOTHING more then Tick me off... Lord Help me!!!
Hi Jozie, It's amazing how hard it is sometimes to pull ourselves out of bed, get dress and get to where we need to be. It's almost painful for me sometimes. But I know its for my best interest that I do it. SO HATS OFF TO YOU GIRL!
I worry about a lot of things that may or may not happen even when I know I don't have control over it. The wonderful thing is that now with alanon, I realize when it is happening to me. So I just put it away and don't use any of my energy on it today if it is not happening today. Try not to worry about what happens if she likes FL. They way A's are, they may not even take the trip to find out if they like it or not.
And your brother...I competely relate to wanting him to go to jail. We all want our A's to have consequences.
You are a thoughtful, loving, concerned aunt to these children and they are fortunate. I am glad that you spoke to the school authorities and that they know what is going on in the home.
I do not believe you are a bad person to want your brother sent to jail because I heard in your post that you believe he will at least sober up enough to possibly have a few adult thoughts about his life and his responsibilities. I have heard many AA speakers say that they reached their bottom in jail. There is hope even in this dark situation.
Please try to be gentle with yourself. Stay in the day, in the moment and keep praying the 3rd step prayer.
I agree this disease is deadly and that is why we all need each other and the program
Praying right along side you
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 26th of March 2009 07:14:15 AM
(((((Jozie))))) First of all B R E A T H E! Sounds like nothing is new in your world. Same A brother, same BS-so why are you surprised? Think about it......Did you EXPECT things to be any different for him? YOU are the one working on YOU. He is still just an A and until HE wants a new way of life for him and his kids there is NOTHING you can do EXCEPT Let go and Let God. Figthing is all a part of life in the world of Alcohol-we all know that. Yes it sucks that they do it in front of their kids, but we both know that neither of them are responsible, nor good parents. You are EXPECTING him and her to behave like you want them to and be responsible parents, but it is YOUR expectations that are letting you down, and you are wishing you could CONTROL the situation but you can't do that either, all you have left is to Let Go and trust your HP and His will for you and those kids. Whatever they are going through you have to trust to be a part of His plan for them. As for them living with you, if that is what you want-then go for it! Re do the old spare bedroom downstairs where ya have stuff stored, put the boys together, give the girl the other room and make it happen. You can do anything with the help of your HP and I doubt either parent would fight you much on it, you know that. As for wishing your brother goes to jail.....I wish he would too, but not for him for other people that his A'ism endangers. Jail or not-you KNOW that is not the solution to him stopping drinking.......he has to WANT to change his life and that can only come from inside him and not through force or anyone's will. Just keep praying, keep it simple and work within this day that you've been given and what is meant to be will be:) Love ya sis! shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Jozie