The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well after hearing from my sponsor today and reading the replies to my post I "came down" a bit from my obsessing high:). I am not feeling well at all today and was overburdened at work from the minute I came in the door because I had my usual work to do, plus my boss took off so I had to do her list also.
What I have come to realize also is this.......EXABF wants to take it slow and "keep it light", and honestly I can understand that too and KNOW that is the smart and best way to handle things. I have some HUGE issues with trust right now that I have to work through concerning him and the past, and I am sure he has issues too.
HOWEVER I am struggling with the taking it slow for two reasons I think. First of all there is a history between us, this isn't a brand new relationship in that aspect, and there are a lot of feelings on both ends, so that is a struggle with me.....meeting someone, becoming friends, falling in love, breaking up and trying to work things out is a roller coaster and I don't know where to begin to try and take it slow.....I mean at what point do you pick back up? And secondly I can't recall how long ago it was that I was in an "NORMAL" relationship, but I know it was many moons ago and I am not sure how they work? I'm just learning to figure me out some, and taking it slow, like I said when first meeting someone has NEVER been an issue to me, but trying to start over with a past love is not something I have EVER done before and I don't know what to do or not do.......Does that make any sense at all?
I am trying to remember Easy Does It and continue on in my plans without him. Like I said I KNOW that slow is the best way to do this, and so does he. But HOW??? How do you go slow when you are already in love with the person and they are already in love with you??? I just want to find someplace solid to stand? Where is the middle ground?
Any ESH would be great MIP family....... trying to keep it simple and in the now Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Shelly keep it simple do the opposite to what u did before and it has to work out differently . . I get the impression from your posts shelly that u want a guarantee that this will work before u dive in again , hon there are no guarantees with or with out an alcoholic in your life . people change they grow up and sometimes they outgrow each other and * SOMETIMES * they make it . Relationships are one day at a time shelly , u only gotta get thru one day feeling good about what u accomplished , loose your expectaions and get rid of the fantacy u have about how a relationship should be , accept what is and enjoy !!!
It just seems to me in 'reconnecting' with exbf you have opened up a can of worms again.
I have a hard time not getting all knotted up and antsy just reading your posts.
It's taken me years of staying away from any sort of relationships with men to finally get to a point where the smallest things didn't send me obsessing or projecting or 'awfulizing'. I had tons of internal work to do. Otherwise I was just shooting myself in the foot.
The few dates I have had were no big deal! I found out I enjoyed coming home, by myself, to my own house!
It didn't work out with either guy, and I was fine with that.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
Try the art of substitution Shelly. Substitute loving yourself first before you try loving someone else. What would the answer sound like to the question, What's it like to be loved by you?
