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Well today is one of those "off" days we all have and I am trying to remember that. Woke up feeling like I was hit with a bus and still exhausted, so I am sure that is not helping. EXABF took off sick yesterday so I sent him a get well comment to his Myspace page. He and I met on Myspace, and it is a sensitive area with me because in the beginning it took him almost 2 mths to add me to his friends list, since then I have seen others added very quickly. Anyway I noticed last night that he didn't post the comment to his page, so I emailed and asked if he got it, he replied that he hadn't been on but would check. (Several months ago he said he wasn't getting the comments I was sending so this time I sent one from the same place that another one of his friends had used and he had gotten obviously cause he posted their comments) Well this am I wake up to an email from him that says "thanks for the well wishes....talk soon", but when I check his page the comment is STILL not posted. So he obviously got it, and chose NOT to post it. Every comment I have ever sent him has remained on his page long after we split up and all are still there, so WHY not post this one that simply said "get Well"? I sent him an email back that said"you're welcome and is there a reason you decided not to post it?" And I am curious to see his response.... It just plain irritates me, flat out! Unless he is seeing someone or talking to someone else and doesn't want them to know he and I are talking again-why not post it? He can't say he couldn't get it to post (like he has in the past) because I used the EXACT same place to get the comment as the last girls that he posted! And I noticed he has not changed his status either.....it still says "here for dating, networking and friends" yet he told me he would not date until he and I decided what we were going to do. I just feel like I am being played with and it is ticking me off. I know it has only been 4 days since our date and I am not expecting things from him, but I will not play games with a grown man either. We still have yet to even talk about what happened between us and to me that is like "pretending" it didn't happen. We both agreed that we would have to start completely over but the past and what happened is still a very big part of what happened to us and I don't think ignoring it is the answer or a good idea. Keeping it "light" and not discussing anything is not helping the situation. I just need some help MIP family, I don't feel well and I know I am starting to obsess about this situation and I don't want to. I am trying to keep it simple, and trust in my HP's will for me, but why is it that when we don't feel 100% things tend to really get under our skin and the little things upset us so? Any ESH would be a blessing.......Thanks for letting me share.... Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
What do you see, right around YOU, right NOW? Name it, describe it, out loud. Put your WHOLE focus on your physical location right this minute
If you calm down enough, try grabbing a piece of paper and writing down 5 things you are grateful for, just in the last 2 days. Nothing to do with XABF. Could be as simple as a hot cup of coffee. If the thoughts start coming back in about XABF, go back to step 1.
You are obsessing because that is a trait that comes "EASY" to you... You have done it all your life and now your struggling to "Keep It Simple"...
Personally Myself I wouldn't care if he posted it or not, ONLY BECAUSE... The ONLY commitment that was made was that he wouldn't see other people... So anything above and beyond that is irrelivent.. If you do not Project what the future holds and you stay in the NOW of it all, you will realize, that in your idle time you obsess...Grab one of your books (which I KNOW you take to work EveryDAY), and go to the back, just as we taught the new comer the other day, find your obsessing section and have at it... Bring yourself back around... I have all the faith in the world in you, mainly because... YOU And ONLY you, brought me to were I am today, these last coupld months since Dad past, you have been my rock, and I could not be more grateful that you introduced me to Al-anon and allowed me to be an even bigger part of your life...
We BOTH have our moments of dispare... Lord Knows we Do, but that is what makes us such STRONG Women... You can beat this just like you have all the other obsticles in your past... all you need is a Little Faith In YOU...
Its NOT ABOUT HIM... Its ABOUT YOU!!! Don't go to the page if you can't handle what is NOT There :) Next time send them to his email, then posting them is not an option... I KNOW why you wanted to send it there... And SOOO do You!!! And Yes... That is Obsessing... LET GO... & LET GOD....
EX abf. EX Abf. EX. Man oh man, I so understand the obsessing. I could feel it thru your post. I get there still on bad days. But, remember we can start our day over at anytime. And sometimes I have to KEEP starting over. I have to KEEP turing it over to HP, I have to allow myself to obsess for a bit so that I can actually see how ridiculous I am being.
I think it is awesome that you saw yourself slipping and you asked for help. Focus on THAT!!! THAT is HUGE!!!!! It really is!!!!!
EX abf....EX. No reason to worry about who he is seeing, what he is doing. You can care but he doesn't have to know. Detatch with love. Stop looking at him, it's NOT good for you and there is NO reason to!!!!
Good job, Shelly, you're doing great! Progress...you got it!!!!
There is a saying in NA that one fix is one too many, and a thousand is never enough
One meeting with your ex has put you in a tail spin, its almost like he is a toxic substance to you. I totally understand the obsessing thing. Checking up on his activities will drive you crazy, obsessing will drive you crazy, its almost a form of self harm when it gets to this point
Take a deep breath, go back to step 1, you cant control him. You can control yourself. Use all your tools, keep busy and keep the focus on you.
I once had an extremely intense largely online relationshp with a man who I felt was my absolute "soul mate". Ispent hours obsessing over who he spoke to, who he interacted with and all forms of intrigue. My whole life was swalllowed up by his behavior, my over reaction to his behavior and how he intereacted with others.
Tha'ts an incredible painful place.
There are lots of things that you can do to help yourself. One might be to get off line for a while. Obsessing over where someone is on line is so so painful. Obsessing full stop is very painful.
Do you have other interests? Do you have talents? Do you have places you can go so that you are not on the computer looking at what he is doing and who he is talking to.
Believe me I've done the obsessive emails, the constant phone calls, the looking at who someone called on their cell phone. I know how enormously painful that place is.
Believe it or not the solution is to take care of yourself. Step back, detach (easier said than done) focus on anything but him and his ambiguity.
Go to meetings, get involved with people in the program start making friends.
Learn the program language. Start taking an interest in the program. Look forward. There is a life outside of My Space.
You can beat this just like you have all the other obsticles in your past... 
all you need is a Little Faith 
In YOU... 
