The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is my best outlet to vent. I caught my bf on a porn site that shows local women. I confronted him about it and he denied going on there (of course). Turned it all around on me (as always). He's said hurtful things. The next day he took the 2nd computer (where the site was saved) out of the house, said he was going to throw it outside and break it. It's not outside, it's probably in his car.
Anway, I told him to stop being so childish when he was taking the computer out. He said I was the one being childish. He acted like he did back when he was drinking. It's been a year so this blew my mind.
He's told me he's not interested in being intimate, it's been months. So him going on that website makes me wonder. We haven't spoken since then (last night).
I know I have not done anything wrong. I don't like him anymore, I don't like to be around him. All he does is complain. I try not to take it personal. So nothing has gotten better since my last post.
I do my best not to engage in arguments which seems to upset him more. I have started hanging out with my friend again which I think bothers him but oh well. I don't live my life for him. He didn't have time for me before and now stays home more than he used to.
It's just such a pointless 'relationship'. It is just nonexistent.
Sorry having a ruff go fo things! I have am Very Moody H myself...lol... I use to get so mad because when I was Fume'n he would just up and walk out...I would chase him down to finish the fight, and he would just keep going... It was ugly..
Since I joined this program I have learned that those are "HIS" issues, Not Mine... That is hard for me at times for he and I have been together going on 13 yrs, and those habits are hard to change :) But SOOOO Worth it ...
As for "Finding him out" well, you know from his reaction what the truth is, because in my mind, "If ya didn't do it" then what is there to get upset about..
You need to take care of YOU, and ONLY YOU... If your not happy, then try and remember "Nothing Changes IF NOTHING Changes"... Those changes are up to you..I hope that you Keep Coming Back, and work on getting what you want out of this world... Not what someone else 'thinks' you should have...
Well you aren't alone. I had lots of arguments with the ex A. Then is started using the tools of the program. Detaching is really an art. You can learn more about it.
I also stopped focusing on how terrilbe the relaitonship was. That seemed to bring me down. I started focusing on me and having a better life. Eventually I got the strength to use more and more of the tools and my life got a lot better.
Try hanging out with Al-Anoners at Al-Anon meetings. That hotline number should still be in the white pages of your telephone book. Go use it. When you get into the meetings and start working the program things will change.
