The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It's been a few months since I have written anything here. But I now feel that I can't do this alone and need to write this. My Diabetic AH has been losing control with his drinking for the last three weeks. He has always drank, but it's been worse the last three. Took off for a couple of hours three weeks ago during a bad snowstorm while our 6 year old and I were sleeping. Comes home drunk and says he put my car in the ditch about a mile from home. But it wasn't his fault, it was the snow plow drivers who weren't out at midnight while he was out. He told me the next day that he hit rock bottom because we had to spend $100 for my car to get towed out. I just looked at him and told him right out that I seriously didn't think he hit bottom. And I'm right. He's still not there. The last two weekends have been awful. Drinks all day (he hides the beer & thinks I am dumb enough to realize that he isn't drinking. He bought beer yesterday and I hid it in my trunk. When I went home at lunch today, I found him digging in my trunk and he had 2 cans of beer in his hands. I went off and he went off on me for taking his precious beer away from him. He has to go into work tonight at 9:00 p.m. and he can't understand why I am mad, let alone our 6 year old is in his care.
He found out about a month ago that he would be temporarily laid off beginning next week Monday. He is in top two people that will be called back if business picks up (he works in a paper mill). He told me this weekend that he plans on drinking every day he is off and drinks just because "he is losing his job". He doesn't know that for sure. It may only be a week or two.
I have not yet been to a F2F meeting. I literally cannot get to a meeting in my area. There just doesn't seem to be that many. I realize that I really need to do some soul searching and figure my life out. A part of me stays only because if I wasn't there, he would be dead. His drinking gives him low blood sugars and I have had to help him a number of times to get them back up. Of course, he remembers nothing the next day (how convenient), but I have to live with the names he calls me and the money that we don't have that he spends on beer.
Thank you for listening and I find that coming out here does give me some saving grace.
Had to smile when he claimed that he "drinks cuz he is losing his job", as alcoholics will use whatever excuse fits (he would similarly say he "drinks cuz of the stress of his job", etc.).
I'd encourage you to read what you can - see the offer for the GTS book at the top of the site - and choose recovery for yourself. Yes, f2f meetings are the best thing for you, but sites such as this, supplmented by good readings, etc,. can all aid in your recovery and awareness...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
(Hugs) I too have not posted on here for a very long time; but your story really hit home with me. My husband and father of my 4 children was also a diabetic/alcoholic; two deadly diseases. He was an alcoholic when we married, although I was not aware of that. My idea of an alcoholic was a drunken bum lying in a ditch. When he was diagnosed with diabetes, he had gone into a coma. Once they got that under control the first thing they told him was that he could NOT drink... EVER. He thought he was fine with that ... he was scared. The day they dismissed him from the hospital, a different doctor was dismissing him and he made the statement that it was "okay to have a few beers." That's all it took. Two became 4 and 4 became 6 and on and on. He died in 1995 at the age of 51. When I was 37 I realized that my whole life had been affected by alcohol. My Father I know now was an alcoholic... though I never realized that because I never saw him take a drink. The abusive actions and change of personality was always something I couldn't understand..... but until I had lived with an alcoholic husband, I never connected the 2. The best "advice" I can give you is to take care of yourself. Come to this place and read all the postings you can. Read all the material you can find and educate yourself. I am almost 60 now and I had no clue just how vastly living with an alcoholic had affected me .... influenced how I thought and reacted. I've just really been "living" with a totally new outlook using the 12 steps and educating myself through the past 4 years. It affects EVERYTHING about us and our lives. You can't change his way of thinking .... but you can make a decision to take care of yourself for you and your child.... one day at a time. Please, keep coming back. Love and hugs, Irish
Yes, I found this board made the intolerable tolerable and put the focus on me, my mind was in bits and racing all the time, I really had one bout of this in months over my son recently but have come out of it so much faster, remember you exist too and you have to take care of your boy, alcholics just dont hack this well,
Do you know you can go to meetings here. They are twice a day and a wonderful resource. The chat room is also a resource. I have definitely been there done that with taking care of someone who has no memory of it afterwards. That's a very hard situation. Get yourself some support, go online to our chat room, Get company, get firends (there are wonderful wonderful people here). Al anon can help even the most dreadful situation. I'm glad you are here and posting. Look forward to getting to know you.
