The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My job involves shifts and a rota. I requested specific days off for when I have a visitor coming in 4 weeks time. Nothing unreasonable and requested in good time. I've just had to really stand my ground to get my request, I didnt get the 3 days off I wanted, just two of them. I've got to work an early shift for the remaining day. I was made to feel like I'd asked for the moon, but I stood my ground. I compromised a little giving in to the third day,but that was out of respect for my colleagues. I feel I'm often given too many late shifts and the worst of the rota, so this is a first for me. I was very resentful over the christmas and New year when I ended up working all off it because I didnt speak up for myself.
I'm happy that I stood my ground, and was calm and resonable. Setting and keeping boundaries is not my strong point. I know I'm learning with the help of this program to look after myself. Why then, rather than feeling proud of myself, I'm left feeling guilty and bad for sticking up for myself? Why am I feeling so hard done by??
My job involves shifts and a rota. I requested specific days off for when I have a visitor coming in 4 weeks time. Nothing unreasonable and requested in good time. I've just had to really stand my ground to get my request, I didnt get the 3 days off I wanted, just two of them. I've got to work an early shift for the remaining day. I was made to feel like I'd asked for the moon, but I stood my ground. I compromised a little giving in to the third day,but that was out of respect for my colleagues. I feel I'm often given too many late shifts and the worst of the rota, so this is a first for me. I was very resentful over the christmas and New year when I ended up working all off it because I didnt speak up for myself.
I'm happy that I stood my ground, and was calm and resonable. Setting and keeping boundaries is not my strong point. I know I'm learning with the help of this program to look after myself. Why then, rather than feeling proud of myself, I'm left feeling guilty and bad for sticking up for myself? Why am I feeling so hard done by??
Thanks for letting me share Carol
Hello Carol
Well done for sticking up for yourself and not backing down.
For me I still feel ineasy when standing up for myself especially with confrontation. I feel for me it's all about practice really as I have went all with other peoples way for so long being a people pleaser silently resenting decisions building up anger inside.
The first time I done this a few months ago with a friend setting boundaries with a good friend which I had never done before I felt uneasy. A month on she began to treat me with more respect checking with me on what was acceptable when making arrangement. Then I felt proud. I find it takes time. One day at a time lass go easy on YOU sounds like you are moving forward nicely.
*hugs* chezza
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Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.
Good fro you for sticking up for yourself and standing your ground.. I too struggle with that one myself, I was so use to being everyones doormat that when I did stand up for myself, MANYTIMES I would go and tell them I was sorry, and back down... Al-anon has helped me as well, but i still get that empty feeling when I stand up for myself, I still feel like I should take it back, but since working the program I have learned that too will pass... And it has, I still struggle, but with the help of my F2F and this board I am getting alot better at taking back my power... As should you... Your doing good keep up the good work...
Keep looking out for you... For you are worth it.... Keep coming back ... It works if you work it!!
"Why then, rather than feeling proud of myself, I'm left feeling guilty and bad for sticking up for myself? Why am I feeling so hard done by?"
Carol, maybe it's just because it's different behavior and you projected that it was the way you always chose to feel in the past. Part was different, part was the same. You did part real good...YAY!! and now have to work on the other part. Affirmations and Self Love time... (If you've got a sponsor call home!!)
No way to win a self resentment battle...I become the enemy and victim all at the same time.
(((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Sunday 15th of March 2009 11:54:40 PM
