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My son(age 21) is addicted to pills. I need any advice that I can get. I know I handle things all wrong. I have helped him out so many times and when I finally stopped financally he started stealing. Stealing cash, checks from the back of my personal and business accounts, stealing my ATm cards and getting money and stealing merchandise from my store to sell. In allI think we are in the $7000 range but there may be more missing. Before I would have trusted this kid with anything. Now I don't believe a thing that comes out of his mouth. He is in outpatient group rehab and taking suboxone. I let him come to my house to get his life turned around but he hasnt paid any of his bills, his car is uninspected, unregistered and uninsured and on and on. He just moved in with a girl ("because its hard to move back in with your parents")and I have been allowing him to work with me, supervised to pay back what he has stolen and to earn gas money to get to group. Yesterday while I was very busy, with one eye on him, I found that he had cleared a path from the back of my shop around to my desk(purse, money bag etc) I coudn't see that he took a thing but I may have caught him before he could get to it. It took some effort on his part to do this. I just don't know how much to let go. I don't want him out of my life but I am finding that I love him but like him less and less. Does that make sense? Maybe I should have called the police, I don't know, but I just couldn't make myself do it. Is Alanon the best place for me to turn or is there a group geared more to my problem? I would appreciate any help. Thank you.
You are in the right place...and what you are talking about does make sense...I have been at your point of loving the addict but liking them less and less...but what really is going on is you still love your son but hate his addiction. This is called DETACHMENT. When Detaching you still love your addict but you don't love the disease and you don't have to love the disease you detach from it...stop enabling the addict...stop allowing the addict to control Your behaviors...also DETACH means to Don't Even Try to Change Him/Her...keep the serenity prayer close...accept the things you cannot change change the things you can and ask God to give you the wisdom to know the difference. You may want to find an open NA program in your town and set in on a meeting...may help you understand the addiction better...just a thought...I hope this helps...just keep coming back...listening...take what u like and leave the rest...but remember to keep the focus on you and your healing...you will be in my thoughts and prayer....
living life one day at a time, brightmommy
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"if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all!!"
Brightmommy, Thank you for responding. You hit the nail on the head...I love him very much but I HATE what drugs have done to him. I looked online and found two groups. I had never heard of any in this area. I just feel SO compelled to fix things (him) but as of now that isn't working for me. There is a meeting tomorrow night and I plan to go. Thank you for caring. Zachsmom
yes you are in the right place, and you are not the only one here that has a family member addicted to pills, my wife has been taking narcotics for 3yrs, and is horribly addicted. It is so sad to see her do this. I understand as few could where you are at. Stick around, there is a great group of ppl here, that will love and support you
You are at the right place, and WELCOME to the MIP Family... I have to agree with brightmommy... on this one...You need to "Let Go & Let God"... I know he is your son, and I know that you love him but hate the disease, addition and what it has done to your family... Your son is by law an adult...So there for he should be treated as one...You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone esle, if your son wants help he will have to be the one to make that move, but covering up for him will not get him any closer to that goal... They must acount for their wrong doings or they never think twice about doing it again...
I have an Abrother that is an addict to about anything under the son, he has stole, from the family, and he is just about out of friends because of his additions.. .I have tried to talk to him, to get him to see what he is doing to not only me but our family, and he just don't care.. The addictions has takin over his life... The man I see at 29 years old is not my brother... That man is an adict... My brother before drugs and alcohol was the sweetest soul you ever did meet.. He had charm, he had humor, and he could light up a room with the twinkle in his eyes... That is all gone now... Because he choose not to get help. my mother has offered many times to get him help and he says he doesn't have a problem...
I know it is very hard to hear some one say "Detach" from you son, but in al-anon they taught me how to "Detach with love". and it has so been a blessing to my life, get yourself a couple of the daily readers from al-anon... I have about 3 i read daily now, and they really do help me focus on my... I read them as soon as I get up, and then a couple times a day as a reminder...This board is wonderful as well.. .the MIP family took me in from hard times with open arms, and you will see that tho you are struggling now, If you work this program, and start doing the steps you will see that you can help your son by helping yourself... Finding your HP and were you want you life to go... You son is a big boy now, and tho he doesn't act like it, sometimes falling is what will make them a man...Once he is down to Nothing, he has nothing to loose...It just takes some longer then others to find thier bottom..
PS... If you have a Face to Face meeting in your area they could be a HUGE Help as well...
Love & Prayers to you Friends in Recovery Jozie...
Dale & Jozie, Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. It means more than you know. I have talked to friends and family about this but none of them have ever dealt with this problem and have little advice. It does help that they listen but I really need to know what to do and what not to do. I feel like all I do is make it worse. I will be at that meeting tomorrow night and plan to check out the online chat now that it is back. Thanks again and take care, Zachsmom
Generally they are pretty far gone when they are stealing. The ex A who I was with for 7 years started by lying then lying some more. He spent exclusive time with other addicts. Eventually he stole and took most of what I own.
I can't even imagine the stress of watching someone like a hawk. Do get help for yourself. Get to meetings, start using the tools. No one here is going to give you a primer on what to do, when to do it. We have all been in the same boat so no one is going to judge, label or harangue you.
Maresie, Thank you for your response. I am learning how this all works as I go...I went to my first (local) Alanon meeting tonight! The people there made me feel very welcome and I will be there next week. Thanks again! Zachsmom
