The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As many of you know, my 20 year old alcoholic/drug addicted daughter recently got out of an inpatient treatment program. She is not married, currently living in an apartment (that hubby chose to co-sign) and working what I consider to be a hard labor job to support herself. She attends her AA meetings and has been chairing many of them too.
She has been doing really well :) Today, I woke up at 3pm which is usual for me lately with my health concerns. My daughter had been home and she and her dad had some disagreements. When my husband told me about them, I tried to remind him that she is recently out of treatment and needs time to change her old behaviors and that the things in the past with her using we agreed to put behind us at the Family meeting. In the past I would have told him this over and over. This time, I let go and he actually did listen. Then I called my daughter and left phone messages for her on some things she had wanted to ask me. I was so concerned she would not call me back for days like she always did before. I was concerned she would start to use from the confrontation with her dad. The concerns I had did not last long. I was able to detatch. Both my husband and I did agree that afterall, it is her business and not ours. I reminded him that if she loses her apartment that another person may rent it and that would not hurt his co-signing.
After a short time, my daughter returned my call! Wow! She was in a great mood and sounded positive. For her benefit I am not going to think if she was high or not. I BELIEVE she was not. (I do have an instinct based on the conversation that she lied to me when she said she was by herself)
She had lost her rent check that my husband had written but did find it when she was here earlier. The landlord was okay with that. She said the ticket she had gotten for tinted windows was her mistake and she would go to court monday and tell the judge she did not have the $40.00 to pay the fine. She said, I am taking care of it. She said she is okay with doing her taxes and didn't wish to do them online but free-hand. I didn't bring up these issues, my husband did earlier when she was here and I was sleeping.
We had a very loving phone conversation. She first told me that my phone messages are like a greeting card : ) When I say, please call me back,,,,,,there is a pause and then she hears....Mom LOL This is indeed the daughter who I have missed for the past 5 years! She is still back in my life and clean and sober. My voice on her messages is way more calm too and way more loving compared to the past 5 years. I remember phone calls when I was crying, pleading and she would say F*U and one of us would hang up.
Serenity is so nice. I also realized something,,,a light bulb moment.
She may be healthier than both her dad and me right now. Just because a person has an illness such has alcoholism doesn't necessarily make them the sick one. Family members may also be more ill than they are. Wow! What a thought this is. If they work their program more than us, then that only makes sense. To me it makes sense anyway.
Your friend in recovery, cdb :) PS,,,this is the first time I ever tried the editing feature....LOL
WOW (((((Cdb))))) you sound very good today! I am glad that things even though confrontational at times are sounding much better!! Serenity is a good feeling isn't it!!
Having your daughter back must be the warmest feeling in the world. I read something today about a simmilar situation. The woman said that she had not lost her child but her child had lost themself for sometime and was in the process of finding herself again.
Reminds me of another thing my brother though all the very hard and awful things that have happend to him at 25 has still not found himself and is a very lost soul.
I am sure you are very happy that your daughter is working so hard on her program and seems to be doing well. There will be times when the road gets bumpy but having supportive parents will help her.
I am a new member. I have a 20-something year old son who I have recently realized is an alcoholic. Very easy to pretend that the heavy drinking is normal adolescent stuff. I am devastated to find myself in this situation, and would like to know more about how you managed. I would also like to be in contact with others who may have a similar problem. Any advice, re tactics or books to read?
I keep coming back to your update on your daughter, which I am hanging on to for encouragement. My son actually started AA and says he has been sober for one week today. However, I know how fragile this process is and just pray that he will have the strength to continue. I hope that your daughter is continuing to do well.
