The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Where to begin???? My father is an alcoholic. I grew up seeing him get drunk and physically abuse my codependent mother (at the time), and also abuse my little sister. They are no longer married. It's been about 15 years since he's been pretty much out of our lives. My mother is remarried to someone so wonderful. I struggle with the anger I have in my heart and not being able to forgive him for what he did to my sibblings. I stuggle with anger that comes and goes towards my mother for not leaving him sooner and acting like she didn't know how bad he hit my little sister. I swore up and down I'd never be that way. I'm divorced from my children's father. He is an alcoholic. Now, I'm in a relationship with a man who is emotionally abusive, but for some reason, can't have the strength to get out. I get angry and blame my father for my bad choices in men. I get angry with my mother for letting me see her be so codependent. I'm angry with myself for being so weak. I need help. I wonder why I put up with being treated badly. Well, that's it for now. Thanks.
Please get to Al-Anon as fast as u can , your not weak your confused . here u will fing out who u are and why u allow what u do . It takes time and is sometimes painful , self discovery is not easy . Blaming others is just a way of avoiding taking responsibility for the choices we make , yeah they affected our lives but ultimatley we are responsible as adults . good luck Louise
You have found the front door to home. Welcome. Your story is soooo familiar and you will find lots of help and support from the membership in MIP. We make our suggestions based upon our own experiences and try never to give advise. We didn't know what worked before we got here and don't know what will work for others...we only know what worked for us out of all that was given to us. For me I suggest that you go get your phone book and look, in the white pages, for the hotline number for Al-Anon. Call that numbers as soon as you can and get the times and places for face to face meetings in your area and plan to go early. When you get there look over all the literature that is for the taking or buying and get as much to start with as you can and read it all. Take a chair in the meeting and listen with an open mind. You can share some or pass depending on what you want to do. Listen and learn the steps and traditions and slogans for the program over time and look for others who have strengths you might use and ask them for their support. We are not a religious program and you will hear alot about a "Higher Power" or "God as we individually understand God". You will learn why in the steps and over time how important this is.
I hope you attend as many meetings as you can over the next 90 days before deciding if the program is for you. Keep checking back here also because this site is very aptly named; "Miracles in Progress". There are many miracles here who came in very much like yourself.
Thanks for sharing. I remember when I first came here I thought that I would never be able to have a healthy relationship, that I would never find a man who treated me well and stay with him. It took a long time of being alone and getting to know myself but I have the greatest guy now and I know (as does he) that I take no BS. Keep coming back and sharing, it really does help, it saved me!
(((((MM))))) Hello and welcome to MIP....I was in a VERY abusive marriage to a functioning alcoholic for many LONGGGGGGG years. Actually it was only five, I think, but it seems like my entire life was affected by it. Of course it did, that's why I'm here. I went from one alcoholic to the other. For me, in my marriage, I was scared to death to leave. He told me, after almost every beating, that if I went to my brother (who he was bf with)that he would kill my brother, and I believed him. The verbal abuse will never go away, to this day I would rather be hit than someone to say cruel words to me. Broken bones heals, words don't vanish. After someone telling you for years that you are such and such and worthless and unlovable and fat (at the time I weighted 118-I laugh at that now)you begin to believe it and see all that in yourself. To this day I STILL struggle with weight issues and am VERY self conscious about it. The main thing you can do is take care of you, and your mental and spiritual health and well being. Keep posting, and try to find a F2F meeting in your area-those meetings are truly a God send. And through them and this program you will be able to find forgiveness and let go of the anger you feel towards your parents, etc.
keep coming back.......
shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Welcome to MIP. You are in the right place.You will find great strength here, and many others who share your story. Well done on taking the first step to a new and healthier life.
I too was raised by a violent alcoholic father, and for many years did not realise the effect this had on me. All my life my relationships were always disasterous, and I put up with being treated very badly. Please dont be angry with yourself its not your fault.
As others here have said try and find an Alanon face to face meeting in your area. There are also on line meetings here.Reading others posts and posting yourself helps.There are some very good books that will give you an insight into problems faced by those of us who are codependant and ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) It is a journey of self discovery, please dont feel overwhelmed by it. You will get used to us all here, and some of our sayings. that may not sound like much but do help. For now I'll just say,
Wow! Thank you all for being so welcoming and helpful. I am very glad I found MIP. I would really like to go to a face to face meeting. I am definately going to keep coming back. I am trying to find out who I am and let go of the bad things in my life and the people who make me feel bad about myself, but it is still very hard for me and I know I do need the support. Once again, Thank you so much!
You have found the right place!! keep coming back...find an alanon in your area...or an acoa meeting...you will find you will recover from the disease if you work the steps and reach out to your Higher Power for help and guidance. Much love to you and looking forward to hearing more from you in your journey of recovery.
brightmommy
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"if you can't say nothing nice, don't say nothing at all!!"
Hi Mairmair, I'd like to chime in here and second everything that's been said so far. You've found help. Praise God. In these rooms you have all the strength you'll need as you go through your process.
You'll find a big brother here, if that's what you need that day or that moment. You'll find a big sister or a best friend or an eccentric old aunt. You'll find a gran or a neighbor or another little lost child like yourself, looking for a way out of the hurt. You might even find a comedian or two to brighten your spirits on a particularly gloomy day.
All of us are here for you, as we have been here for each other. You may not like all of us, because we have some strong personalities, but you'll love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you. Keep coming back.
