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I am very perplexed about this matter today. AH ck'd into rehab yesterday. No sooner had I turned his phone on, than he started getting calls from his connections. I have yet to answer. Part of me wants to make up this ellaborate lie that he is dead from bad drugs and the cops are looking for anyone associated... I know that is crazy! But on a more rational front. Someone suggested I answer the phone, tell them he is in rehab and if they try to contact him again I will call the police. - if he is high around myself and the kids again the kids will be permanently removed from him by the state, unless I remove them myself. So it is not just me that is saying the cops will have to be involved, it is more of an actuality if he were to get high with his connections again. However, I am somewhat concerned that speaking with them at all is interference in his recovery. Should I just let them ring off the hook - and hope they don't leave messages or call back? I want a bit of a break from all of it too!
It is not your responsibility to manage your husband's social calendar. You are not responsible for answering his cell phone. You can forward it to voice mail, take a message, or simply turn off the phone. It is not your responsibility to manage your husband's recovery. If he elects to resume hanging out with his drug buddies, he is responsible for the (predictable) results. Nagging him about what his drug abuse will do to the family will create further resent ment on your part because of your powerlessness and fear. It is not your responsibility to inform whomever is on the phone--or your husband--of the legal implications of their activities. To quote a favorite professor, retired FBI, "If they're stupid enough, long enough, we'll get'em." That means your intervention is not using your energy for your recovery. It is your responsibilty to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. It is your responsibility to take care of your children and their well being. It is your responsibility to be honest about your needs, wants, and abilities.
Hummm if I were where you are, I think I would have the number changed, and then that would drop that connection... It would make it harder for them to contact him, and if they do it would be becasue he gave it back to them....
or just shut it off and let go and let God...You can not control his recovery you can only control yours, and you have come to the right place for that.
You have to protect your children, and yourself from the disease and to me that is the most important...So take what you like and leave the rest, and I hope that you Kepp coming back...
I am glad your AH is in rehab. That will be a chance for you to re group, get some much needed rest and possibly attend some alanon meetings.
When I read your post it sounded to me as if your children will be removed from your home if your AH and his drug connections resume communications.
I would focus on what I needed to do to keep my family safe, You have choices: turning the phone off, changing the number or telling the connections about the police charges.
Pray about it and then take the action that feels right for you.
You did say HIS phone right ? I would shut it off and forget it any calls comming to that number are not about you. don't mess with these guys (your little story) they are not the kind of people to treat lightly . they will figure it out all by themselves , hopefully he dosen't owe them any money and they will just leave u alone . good luck Louise
I think you're all right... Although today he had his one phone call and asked me to check his messages... we have a home business and they will call there. But that doesn't mean I have to keep it on all the time!!!
(((((Angel)))))) You said it all first off when you said HIS phone. It is his, therefore his to deal with when he is capable. If the phone is in your possession while he is in rehab-keep it simple and shut it off-not your problem to deal with. However he will get out of rehab one day and will have to deal with all his connections-they won't just go away-he is part of their financial status. What you can do is focus on YOU. Take care of YOU and do what is best for YOU and most importantly take it One Day at a Time. You have found your way to a great place here at MIP, full of great people who will share their own ESH with you and help you on your journey.
Please take care of you and your children keep it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I'd agree with Daivd. You are not here to save the world, turn the phone off. Do you need it on. Sometimes we are fascinated with the A's world. Making it boring is really important in recovery.
The phone's been off all day. Although, I worry about one busines call that I might have missed. I can check the voice mails soon enough and for now, I've actually experienced a small sense of relief. I didn't realize how anxious it was making me feel to have it on and see who was calling!
I really like the idea of making his life boring during my recovery. At least maybe I can focus on that while he is away and perhaps it will just continue on it's own after he is out. By next week, I should have all of his open business cleared up and then we're on to the next step.
