The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After several days and to many questions:), I have finally found a bit of serenity in the situation that I was struggling so much with.
I realized first and foremost that I was hungry (been working out more and dieting some), angry (at myself for not being able to see with open eyes), lonely, and tired (hating this time change). I've been out of whack since Monday because of the time change I think:)
Secondly I realized that by putting the focus on my impending date with EXABF and setting boundaries etc., that I was taking the focus off of me-where it has to remain. If I keep focusing on setting boundaries etc., I am just going to be a nerveous wreck whole will spend the next X amount of days running around reciting speaches in her head for fear of forgetting them, for a date that may not even happen.
I know what I am comfortable with-that is my boundary. I know affection and physical contact will not show the anwers in the heart-that is my boundary. I know what I can and won't accept-that is my boundary.
I also discovered, after some prayer and just being still, that by having expectations that means I am not trusting my HP to provide for me what I need, I am not trusting His will for me, when I am expecting a certain outcome etc. And He is where I need to put my trust, NOT in EXABF who lost that trust.
It's funny how stepping back and taking care of oneself, until we are in a better place to actually think logically about things, can make all the difference.
Thanks for letting me share your friend in recovery shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Shelly, thank you for postig that....it made me stop and think that i too have been a little off balnce and the Hungry, angry, tired, lonely thing struck home....The time change is killing me more then usual. So i need to allow myself a good meal, some extra sleep and reach out so i dont feel lonely. Funny how I cant see that in myslef, but reading your share helped :)
As for finding a little serenity, congrats! Stay focused on you and your needs and all will fall into place exactly how it is meant to.....His will, not ours
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
Good for you you're recognizing how to take care of you. HALT, hungry, angry, lonely, tired is always a good tool to use when we are feeling a bit out of balance. Helps us define how we need to take care of ourselves.
You noticed that you were drifting into putting the focus on the EXahb, and gathered up your boundaries and put them back to work in keeping the focus on you. You know what you can and won't accept and that is a big step. I know a lot of times I don't even know that when I go into a situation. That is part of setting good boundaries for ourselves.
Stepping back from things and seeing that you were not trusting your HP, will make it easier to turn your will and your life over to him now that you know that that is where you need to be. Keep your head up and take it One Day at a Time.
my only suggerstion is to get really busy with your life. If you are busy the date with the ex boyfriend does not assume gigantic proportions. Getitng a life takes time but being busy is one way not to have him assume tremendous importance in your life.
