The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I surrender I get it my life is a mess and I carnt do it. I am not the almighty. I carnt fix it all. I do believe in Hp always have but my will is so strong. I now get it I need to ask him all day every day what the next move should be he knows best (trust). I have been affected by a disease and need him more than ever. I have been sticking my nose in others lives instead of concentrating on me my life probs. I get it HP is in charge not me.
But there is one big problem with all of this if I carnt fix or help my AB and have to leave him to sort his life then he carnt meet my needs/dreams. I carnt accept how he lives his life its not goin where I dream of going . But the thought of him exiting my life and not coming to my dreams with me. I feel like a spoilt child writing this I have to just accept I carnt have my way HP knows best I must trust something better may come in future.
Then I think see him once a week dont interfer it may be gods will if u stay out of the way my sick mind is playing tricks on me can anyone unscramble any of this?
Surrenderring is very powerful. I had to do it an dpractise it over and over, for about a year, it was my favorite topic at meetings b/c I needed it so desperately. I could not let go, I didn't know how and I couldn't face that I didn't have influence over others, subliminally I was still clinging, clutching, trying to manipulate others.
Of course it took a natural disaster for me to even see this at all - a category 5 hurricane - hurricane Ike.
Trying to have influence over others meant I was preoccupied and not centered on me and in the present moment. When I did focus on me, finally when i was able to after much practise, I experienced guilt, which I worked through. i knew it was b/c I thought I didn't deserve my own attention & love. But I didn't listen to my sick mind. I opened my mind & tried the simple things others were telling me here. For so long I resisted b/c I couldn't believe this simple stuff worked.
I had to surreneder to the program, the process, hp/god.
That was b/c I was so desperately trying to control things. All I can control is myself. now that I focus on that, I am so free to have faith and not worry - worry doesn't help anything anyway, just a waste of time & energy.
Today I surrender to each new moment and experience and accept life as it occurs. It is so liberating to be free inside of one's self.
It is true, when I stop thinking I know what's best for me and giving god orders, I am surprised to see things I never would have thought to ask for. God does have some amazing plans for us, if we trust, go with the flow & keep an open mind. Don't project about the future... take life as it comes. If u want to see ur friend and it allows u to feel good this week - do it - u can decide next week when it comes - who knows what u might want to do! Accept people as they are. You can't change anyone but YOU.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Give yourself time...you are part way there and with practice you will get much closer.
At the start it seems to be all head work...thinking, analyzing, rationalizing, planning...mental gymnastics.
After a while of open minded listening, reading literature on the subject and attending meetings, working the steps and with your sponsor...one day you realize you are out of HP's way and have surrendered completely. A miracle!!
Don't hold yourself up to anything like perfection here...you can stub your toe and it will feel like a train wreck.
Leaving the alcoholic to sort out his life is one of the detachment forms...it is not abandonment. It is most like getting out of the way between HP and the alcoholic and still loving unconditionally. You might need to review your definition of love with your sponsor to get a wider appreciation of it.
I like the preceptions of other members because they help re-inforce my growth in recovery. Kitty did a great share on surrender to her HP...Took a cat 5 hurricane? She had one heck of a grip for sure.
(((((Tracy)))) Surrendering is a wonderful thing, but it can be scarey to some of us. It was to me. I had always been in control-lol, or so I believed, and I knew best-or so I believed. How would the A in my life know how I felt and what I wanted if I wasn't constantly there beating it over his head? What if he forgot? The what if's and need to knows about destroyed me. I learned, like you are now, that HP is the only one who knows what is best for me, I am learning to trust in His will for me and let go of my will-my will usually ends up hurting me and I am just tired of being hurt:) Keep coming back-it truly does work-IF you work it:) Keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
