The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Leave an A up to their HP and start the bookmark of DETACHMENT for yourself. If you don't go to face to face meetings (first of all, GO!) , here is what is on that bookmark....I keep mine right in my wallet next to my money where I always know where it is! 1-don't suffer because of the action or reations of other people 2-don't allow yourself to be used or abused by others in the interest of another's recovery 3-don't do for others what they can do for themselves 4-don't manipulate situations so others will eat, go to bed, get up, pay bills, not drink, or behave as you see fit. 5-don't cover up another's mistakes or misdeeds 6-don't create a crisis (my personal favorite, or rather the one I usually mess up) 7-don't prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events I've seen first hand how these steps truly help a person with addiction. They are sometimes scary to try, but the end result is giving them their dignity and the space they need to seperate a)the person from b)the disease. WE have to get smart and work the program IF they have any hope of getting smart and working their program. serenity and prayers.
Needed the Reminder... Been one of those weeks were this is one more thread, I think I can help me regain my Serenity and get on to a beautiful weekend :)
Keep Coming Back:) It Works if YOU Work It :) Learning: Slow & Steady :)
The negative listing of the don'ts on the Detachment hand out was helpful for me in the beginning, however I found that knowing what I should not do did not help when I was driven by fear, anxiety,anger,self pity or resentment.
That is when the positive tools that alanon offers truly worked the mircle. When I was ovecome by the need to do something because of the powerful feelings I had I was told:
Go to a meeting, Call alanon person, call your sponser, say the Serenity Prayer, Use a slogan, Live One Day at a time. Let GO of the Past , Act do not React, Insanity is doing the Same thing and expecting different results etc.
These are the tools that enabled me to Detach with Love.
I think the advice, understanding in Getting them Sober really helped me. Sometimes I had to weigh what a situation would cost me. For example I did not let the housing I shared with the A go until I had an idea where I would go next. I also didn't allow the electricity to be switched off. There were times I went without phone service though. For me detaching meant also having somewhere to go to let go of what I was dealing with. I had therapy and I had this group, that helped. When I saw I could not get through to the ex A I had to go somewhere with my rage, anxiety and more.
Two of my f2f meetings have used this wonderful worksheet on detachment more than once. The very last page deals with Letting Go which I have pasted here. The link to the website is also below. I highly recommend that you go there, take a look around and you will find a wealth of information and tools to work with. There is a wonderful worksheet similar to detachment that deals with anger issues.
"Letting Go'' * To "let go'' does not mean to stop caring; it means I can't do it for someone else. * To "let go'' is not to cut myself off; it's the realization I can't control another. * To "let go'' is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. * To "let go'' is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. * To "let go'' is not to try to change or blame another; it's to make the most of myself. * To "let go'' is not to care for, but to care about. * To "let go'' is not to fix, but to be supportive. * To "let go'' is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. * To "let go'' is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. * To "let go'' is not to be protective; it's to permit another to face reality. * To "let go'' is not to deny, but to accept. * To "let go'' is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them. * To "let go'' is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be. * To "let go'' is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it. * To "let go'' is to not regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. * To "let go'' is to fear less and love myself more.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
