The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For those of you who know my story... my A is being released from prison today after a nearly one year sentence. I find myself dreading his call and yet wondering what's happening with him at the same time. I also find myself wondering how long it'll be before he goes back, before I run into him at a bar when I'm out some weekend night (as he's going to be staying in an area that I go out to a lot). I feel bad being so pessamistic and want to think yes... he's going to get a job and pay child support and get straight and keep the kids sometimes and make my life easier and not harder. How do you have hope for someone who has demonstrated over and over again that they are a lost cause?
NEVER trust an untrustworthy person. Do you really want to invite the drama your ex will bring? Then there is no reason for you to be projecting running into him, or him getting clean and being a father. Who knows, maybe he will, but the past has shown you that more than likely he won't.
I guess, I would keep living my life as if I knew nothing about his where abouts. Afterall, what does it matter today?
You do so with detachment & love... I can detach and love someone at an emotional distance and with HP. I can think things like, 'I hope they get their lives on track' but anything more than that, is kind of like taking their inventory &/or not minding my own business. If they fail, at least it won't be b/c u are enabling anymore. Focus on you, it's all u can do. It is natural to think of others & wish them well.
Maybe u could use a "god box" and give him over to HP symbolically, it's a very powerful tool.
I can have hope for others but I dont put that b4 me anymore & I don't hold my breath for others either. I detach & focus on me, it is all I have any control or power over any way. Whenever any of my friends or family say they're worried about anyone else, I just say 'pray for them' and let it go.
-- Edited by kitty at 17:05, 2009-03-05
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Just something I use to tell myself when i visited my Afather... "If you EXPECT Nothing...You wont be disappointed"...It is not your call, what happens with him... It is only your call to take care of you and worry about you and your child...As for your crazyiness as a single parent, it is like any other hurdle in anyones life... "One Day at A Time" is ALL that you can ask for.. .Not tomorrow, not down the road... You can pick a direction you want your life to go and do the best you can to reach your goals, but that should hold your focus which will make you a better person & mom...
He has his own battles to fight, and it will not happen over night, just like him going to jail didn't happen over night, it was a series of bad mistakes...
Please Keep coming back, and TAKE CARE OF YOU & YOURS and let him deal with his own HP...
Take what you want and Leave the Rest... Friends in Recovery Jozie...
I am the eternal optimist. I believe that anyone can recover. Having said that, I do not waste my time wondering what will be. I focus on the here and now and live in the present. All you can do is turn him over to his HP. Concentrate on you, not him. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Recovery for me is a gift from my HP. When the A receives that gift is up to his HP not to me. In my ESH, going to meetings really helps with trust issues.
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Curlee
Just for today I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts.
