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I'm going to try to sum up a really complicated situation. My boyfriend who is the greatest man I have ever had in my life has been informed by his HP that he must choose between me (who he loves as much as I love him) and his purpose in life (ie god's will for him or path for him). I posted a while back about how I was going to give this my all and love fully without holding back to protect my heart. Now it is in serious jeopardy and I really don't think it will ever be right again if it is broken this time. This is the kind of guy that every other guy will always be compared to and never measure up and the kind of love that is immeasurably deep - the I want to spend eternity with you kind of love. Most of my casual friends are under the - he's just trying to dump you nicely - impression. My closest friend is usually with us and knows better - that he truly loves me. He is a very genuine guy and I have never had reason to doubt him, he doesn't drink, smoke, use drugs, is always kind and considerate - doting would be a good explanation. Always concerned about my happiness, comfort, etc.
Right now...
I'm scared to death that I'm going to lose him or that if I don't him giving up his purpose will taint our love. This is paralyzing me.
I think that if this happens that my faith will be shaken to the core and I will resent HP for giving me this great love and then taking it away and I will never get over it and I will never be able to love like this again - the mutual love and genuine caring along with similar interests and senses of humor and fiery passion with someone so genuine and sincere.
I'm feeling really bitter right now that HP has given me a man who is everything that I ever wanted and then HP is directly making him choose between me and HP's will. Why send him to me in the first place? I feel so devestaed I'm not sure what to do and I'm tired of being in pain I keep thinking HAVEN'T I FREAKING HAD ENOUGH YET???? A month of bliss for a lifetime of despair?
Just wanted to vent and get this out there. I have been in a depressive funk for almost a week now like I knew this was coming. Since this revelation yesterday I can't seem to stop crying and I feel that knot in the pit of my stomach and I think no amount of joy is worth the pain that comes after. He loves me, I love him and this is completely unfair. I really don't think I can beat god and even if I win I lose in that case.
I am so sorry for your pain. Yes, you have been thru many difficuult situations and with this program and your steadfast working of the tools you have faced and overcome insurmountable odds.
This situation sounds very difficult. Try to rest, stay in this day and not project into the future.
It might be also that what he has said to you is also your HP saying that your HP doesn't want anyone else in the way between your and HPs relationship. I have heard this message often and was told myself..."never get in the way of anyone's relationship with their HP and never let anyone else get in the way of your own relationship with God." I blew this suggestion off so manytimes I can't count and until I was so sick and tired from failing it that I quit doing it. I think in simple terms your man is saying his relationship with his (not yours) HP is being felt and you are not his HP. Fight it or let go? If I fight it what happens? If I let go what happens? There is no rule that says I have to like it. There is no rule that says I have to live in doubt and pain.
The "Butterfly" Verse teaches, "If you love something let it go. If it never comes back it wasn't meant to be. If it does come back...Love it forever."
I hope you find a way to get some relief from your pain. As I'm not up to dating myself since I go in far far too quickly and get committed way too soon I'm not someone who can offer you ESH. My ESH is that there is a lesson in this somewhere for you. I think personally if you can find one super guy when you just started out you could find another one although I'm sure you don't want to hear that.
For me personally I know drama, heart ache, craving, desperation, chaos and more. I know almost nothing about peace, commitment, quiet contentment, companionship, tenderness and all the other things that go along with love. Thats what I want personally I've had enough drama to win a 100 Oscar's. I know full well I'm not in a position to date yet am lonely and isolated. I also know that every relationship teaches me a lot if I'm willing.
I'm not sure I'm understanding either. Everyone's understanding of HP is different but the one I know doesn't give you the love of your life then tell you to choose that love or the path HP has chosen for him. Obviously if he believes this scenerio, he must also believe HP put you in his path too. What are you? An accident? Why can't he have both? That, to me, is what HP would want.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but I make it a habit never to disagree with Abbyal and Christy when they are right, IMHO. If someone said that to me, the red flags would be up all over the place. To me it sounds as if you are an afterthought. If he doesn't do something that pleases you, what's he going to say? "My HP told me to do it? It was HP's guidance that lead me to do it?" No, it's one thing to let HP guide you. You as an adult make the decision. It's like an addict saying "You triggered me. It was raining today, so I drank or used." We hear that all the time, that addicts have triggers. But as a sponsor once reminded me, we all have triggers. We are responsible on how we react to them.
I know you are scared, but unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. His decision is his decision. Use your tools as much as you can. It will see you through. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I love Jerry's post about someone getting in the way of our HP, that's exactly what happened in my marriage. My husband was my HP, the one I looked to for my happiness.
I totally relate to the belief that you can't live without him. I stayed in a bad marriage for 26 years with that belief. Finally, I had to ask myself, "Is that true? Is it really true, that I can't live without him?" Of course it's not true. I had given waaaay too much power to this man.
It was a total leap of faith. I've been divorced for a year now, and I am okay. Some days, I need to pray for more faith. But, that is the goal, to keep turning to HP, and not another person.
I have always had everything within me to be happy and whole, I just never knew it. Al-anon helps me to develop this awareness, one day at a time. You will be okay (((CG)))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
You got some great advice here CG. Loving. Real. Honest. Alot of people LOVE YOU here. This is what love looks like. Its not about choosing between two things or ultimatums, etc. Its about unconditional acceptance.
Acceptance- warts and all.
I also never contradict Abbyal or Christy and Jerry always takes the cake in rising to a higher ground at every corner we turn. They have the inside track. You cannot find more solid counsel than what exists on this board, my friend! We may not like what we hear here but its rock solid, from my experience.
I don't buy what he is creating/generating, either. Something is not right in this picture. Hugs and my prayers and best thoughts are with you, I know you are scared but what are you really so scared about? You are a whole person yourself and you are solid with or without him (or anyone). Jean
It's like an addict saying "You triggered me. It was raining today, so I drank or used." 
We hear that all the time, that addicts have triggers. But as a sponsor once reminded me, we all have triggers. We are responsible on how we react to them. 