The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Our dear Maria is always the one to post everyone's Birthday. (Even just after having surgery.) Thanks Maria, I think it's so thoughtful of you to remember and take the time.
Here's what bothers me...you can see how many people took the time to view the "happy birthday" post. How hard is it to hit "reply" and type those 2 words since you opened the post anyway?
Even if you don't have a clue who the person is. It may be the only acknowledgement that person gets that day. We're always calling MIP a family. Aren't Birthdays always acknowledged by family?
I always wonder how the Birthday person feels knowing that 30 or more people knew it was their Birthday, read Maria's message, then closed the post....but only 3-4 of those people took the seconds it takes to write those two words.
There, I said it, now I can let it go (after 5+ yrs)...
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Well Christy... Thank you for that, for now i will go and wish well the birthday girl/boy.. .For you make a good point even tho I don't know the person, and yes Maria is great... I will try not to be so shallow in the future...
Thank you Christy for your post....Not all families acknowledge birthdays however, and there are those of us who consider it just another day of the year and prefer to not have a big deal made over it, then there are some I am sure who want to just not even think about it.....I guess it all depends on the person.
I think Marisa does do a great job and will try to pay more attention to it in the future..... keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Well hmm... what other people do is really none of my business; yet, it sure makes me feel good when someone does/says something nice for/to me. random acts of kindness are valued different by everyone.
here is an observation: many of the codependent-people pleasing people that i know have a very egocentric/self-serving attitude. i find that i have to look at myself, now and then, and figure out it if my motivation for doing a nicety comes with a price. Sometimes, I even tell myself that I am doing something nice "for my own karma's sake".
anyway, thanks for the post
with love
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time to stop going to the hardware store to buy bread.
I think you raise a good point and I appreciate you offering the perspective on this.
When reading the posts of others, there are many times that I don't have the confidence in myself or in my own wisdom to respond to a post. I know that when I post, I notice there are many views and not many replies. I figure people feel the same as I do - that they don't have anything valuable to offer the thread.
For me, it is the same sort of thing on a social thread...I tend to feel that my involvement is going to make no difference and possibly even be unwanted, unless I have a specific relationship with that person, so I opt not to reply. For me its a insecurity thing I think, not a purposeful attempt to disregard someone.
I am glad that you shared another way to view this.
It has always made me feel good when somebody wished me a Happy Birthday. It's nice to know that I wasn't alone and I was being thought of. I try always to respond to a birthday greeting, even if it's a few days late. I'm with you on this one. I can remember some lonely birthdays out there. My sister never sends me a card. That's her choice. I can always count on coming here and knowing that I am loved. I face my birthday this year without my beloved Tim. So this one maybe a tough one. But we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I wish I had Maria's deligence when it comes to posting birthdays. She must have a master list. I so appreciate her hard work and dedication when it comes to this. That's our Maria, always a good Mom. Thanks for posting. Much love and blessings to you and your family. Love to the furry friends too.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Like OurKari says, there are so many out there with families affected by this horrible disease especially when they have active A's in their lives. This place is truly a place where others hopefully will never feel alone. Some of us may go the day without anyone caring if it's the anniversary of our birth, a day when we came into this world perfect and untarnished by life.
Isolation is one of the affects of this disease. I, too, am sometimes sad when others don't take the time to even put up a one liner to say "Have a great day on your birthday." Sometimes you may not "know" someone here yet but there are so many slogans that could apply to saying Happy Birthday to a stranger. "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me" "Love Your Neighbor As Yourself" "Do Somebody A Good Turn (though it's hard not to get found out here on the message board ) from Just For Today bookmark.
I am grateful for you, Christy, and so many others of our long-timers here. I am often sad when people come for a while, get what they need, feel recovered, and then go away without ever looking back and seeing where they came from and knowing that if someone before them wasn't here, where would they be today? The value of oldtimers is priceless. Ah, that's another post for another time.
Finally, I know this post is not about me . I simply keep a calendar when I learn of a birthday and a little reminder pops up. I am often excited when other's remember other's birthdays too. This program is about our collective group. There is not a one of us who can do it alone.
Maria chuckles at the irony of your post "subject line." Did you notice the number of hits? Subject lines are catchy and then there are some in here who this disease has affected very hard and they are very good at creating chaos and controversy. Some members will often have at least 100 hits just about every time that they post. Then there are others that may not have a catchy line or don't tend to be chaos creators and not many will read their posts. Those are the ones that have little nuggets of "recovery gold" in them that I learn from.
That's when I am challenged with an opportunity to remember that though we are in Alanon and are trying to recover "wherever we go, we bring this disease of creating chaos with us" and that goes for those who are here on the message board. I am reminded that it takes a lot of practice not to feed into chaos, rescuing, and caretaking on a consistent basis.
love in recovery, My Christy,
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
I too had to chuckle at the number of hits my subject line generated. I didn't intend it to look so juicy (really!!)...lol I'm sure I dissapointed some, sorry folks! No major drama, just an observation that bugged me. I also found it amusing and a bit funny that there was some anylizing of my reasoning behind the post. *evil grin* Ha-ha!
The reason behind my post was basic. I just wanted to bring attention to something people may not think twice about, but could mean a great deal to someone else.
I can recall when Asober was drinking, not too many of my Birthdays were happy. I spent most of them alone while he celebrated at the bar. To come here and see a bunch of birthday wishes, even from people I didn't even know, really made a difference. Considering that 100% of the people here have or had an A in their life, I suspect that a large portion of those people would feel the same as I did.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Had to answer this one. I used to add my wishes but have ceased doing so according to my spiritual beliefs (which I re-found during my journey here in Al-Anon). We do not celebrate birthdays for a couple of reasons. First, the Bible only mentions birthday celebrations twice (Pharaoh's birthday in Gen. 40:20-22 and Herod's birthday in Matt. 14: 6- 10) and both references report unfavorably (the chief of bakers was hung at Pharaoh's b'day and John the Baptist beheaded at Herod's bday).
The second reason was the origin of the birthday customs which lie in the realms of magic and pagan religion. Offering congratulations, presenting gifts, lighting candles were all meant to protect the birthday celebrant from demons. The Hebrews also looked on the celebration of birthdays as a part of idolatrous worship.
So, probably more than you wanted to know... LOL... but that could be the reason other's do not add their wishes either. I still look (if the title isn't clear) as it may be their "al-anon birthday" which is more of an anniversary and something I'm happy to congratulate a person on!
Luv ya both!!
Kis
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
LOL Kis, there goes Christmas too eh? Didn't the wise men supposedly bring gifts to celebrate the birth of Jesus?
I think "most" people do acknowledge Birthdays. Of course there are exceptions. For me it doesn't have anything to do with the Bible. It's just a way of saying "Hey! I'm glad you were born." In fact one year I gave my Mother in Law flowers on my husband's birthday to say Thanks.
love you too Christy
I'm beginning to think what I thought was a simple thing is turning in to something much larger...for reasons unbeknownst to me.
-- Edited by Christy at 00:13, 2009-02-24
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
The "wise men" were actually astrologers from the East and they were led first to King Herod and then to the house where the child Jesus was with his parents. They gave gifts as was customary when visiting notable persons. They did not return to Herod as he had requested (having been warned by God not to), therefore Herod decreed that all boys 2 years and under were to be killed. He based the age frame from what he had learned from the Eastern astrologers about Jesus. (Account is at Matthew 2:1-16) So no, it wasn't a case of them bringing gifts for his birth (note: they were not present for his birth but arrived some time later when Joseph, Mary and Jesus were living in a house).
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Let your light shine in the darkness. "I can't just bring my mind to meetings...I must also bring my heart."
Well see? I learned something today :) I didn't know they were astrologers. But then ..how can I say this gently? That particuar book isn't my belief system.
Which doesn't mean I don't respect others.
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
, and figure out it if my motivation for doing a nicety comes with a price. Sometimes, I even tell myself that I am doing something nice "for my own karma's sake".
) from Just For Today bookmark.
. I simply keep a calendar when I learn of a birthday and a little reminder pops up. I am often excited when other's remember other's birthdays too. This program is about our collective group. There is not a one of us who can do it alone.