The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My family has been dealing with his addiction for ten years, those years have been about him stealing from us, lying to us, and causing such upheaval in our lives.
We adopted our son when he was 5 mos. old, it couldn't have been a happier day for our family, we loved him and always told him the truth about his adoption, never trying to hide it and letting him talk about it whenever he needed too.
He has in the last year or so told us in a threatening type manner, when he wanted attention and couldn't get it from us, or when he was very angry at us and wanted to lash out at us, that he was going to find his birth mother.
I have always told him to do what he wanted to do, he came by to see me today that he had received information about his adoption records and birth family, he wanted me to see it. I read the information and told him to do with it what he wanted to do, but to be prepared that she may not want to see him.
I couldn't help it I cried when he left, it may help him to find her, I hope it does.
((((Dreams)))) My heart goes out to you and I can understand how you must be hurting. I can only offer what someone told me once when I was dealing with something similiar....Your son may go out and find his birth mother and he may come back to you with a whole new attitude and realize how lucky he is. Don't worry about the what if's........focus on you......take care of u........after all that is all we really have any control over right?? Keep coming back:) shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I have experienced the same thing with my adopted son. His biological mother tried to starve him to death. He was found at three months just hours from death. After weeksof intensive care he servived but was left with brain damage. I adopted him at eight months old. He was only twelve pounds and very ill. Fortunately, he grew to be a strong handsome man. Now at eighteen he is crying that he needs his biological mother. Is there some stage that we are unaware of? I think we should find out. At this point I am the one he treatswith absolute contempt. Especially since I told him he can't live here because of his out I cansee hot it makes my child buw crazyof control dangerous behavior. I feel so sorry for you. I know your heart must be breaking. Iwill pray for you. We have to remember that God doesn't give us more then we can bare.
I feel your pain as you type in your currant thoughts and share of your day...If your son chooses to see his (Bio) Parents, then yes, if that is his choice, support him as you have All his life..."Let Go & Let God" figure out what is next...I have an Abrother, and i know all about the stealing, lieing, cheating, manipulating manner in which this disease has turned him into... Snce I have joined this Forum I have learned that the best thing that works for me and my Abrother is for me to do nothing more then to "encourage his "good" (Even if I have to Dig Deep to find something"Your hair looks nice today, I like your shirt"), and let God take care of the rest... All I got putting myself into his life "Forcefully" was (Me Hurt, me Pain, Me sleepless, Me worried all the time, Me sick with the thoughts of "What it") HIM: NOTHING CHANGED!!!
Since I joined Al-anon, a couple short months ago, I have learned that he does love me, and need me in his life, but ONE DAY AT A TIME... He is reaching out not for my wallet, "for I have done told him he wouldn't get a dime from me, as long as he is able to take care of himself"..He is now realizing.. I'm not so bad! I'm not out to lecture! I'm not out to judge! He is free to make his own choices... I don't have to live that path, for that is MY CHOICE...
You have one to make for your self... One that helped me said "Detaching with Love" and since I have desided to "Let Go & Let God" I sleep like a baby, and my HP gets me to a place of peace, that i have been looking for, a long time...
Good luck to you, & You Son, You have come to the right place, and we are all here, to Carry on! Take what you like and leave the rest... Love & Prayers...
In Al anon we try to adopt the three C's, we didn't cause it, we can't cure ir and we can't control it. Detachment is a hard thing to do. I have very real issues with being over controlling in people's lives. Al anon has taught me to be hands off.
I don't doubt you gave your child everything. I gave the ex A everything and then some. Nothing but nothing affected his addiction.
