The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am futurizing. I am anticipating seeing my AHsober at meetings today. Hate it. He ignores me, works the room, and the rest is stilted. So I read my daily reading about detachment. I will try. I am saying my Alanon slogans. And coming here for support.
Sounds like a pretty tough calling. Years ago my ex husband decided to get sober after he had left me. He is still sober and I can no longer claim it bothers me that he didn't do it when I was around. I can see the charactor defects still there which would bother me, the womanizing among them.
Time will help. I know for me personally I had to set a lot of distance when I separated. There are lots of meetings why go to the same one's? Of course you are invested with the same people but there are always new sober experiences.
One Day at a Time is all you can do... Focus on you, and you HP, you will get there..The Future we can't see, till we get there. Friends in Recovery Prayers & Hugs... Jozie
I actually brought up how I was gonna handle seeing my mother at meetings. I made it a topic. This is what I heard: --How I work my program is a direct reflection of my life. Anyone else in my life is responsibile for themselves, their well being, etc. That doesn't mean that their actions don't INFLUENCE me, but I am not RESPONSIBLE --Just because I know this person how I do, as much as I do, etc, doesn't mean anyone else does. Really, just because some people know who I know how I know them doesn't mean that they have the same opinion of them I do. I was afraid that people thought my mother walked on water; was the second coming; etc. Quite to my surprise, people knew her, some thought quite highly of her; others, knew her, and really thought she could take a long walk off a short pier, that's how much they trusted her. I think that's the big parts.
I have dealt with this issue as recently as this past weekend. We had the big AA,Alanon, Alateen round up and I again this year didn't go. Because my ex went last year and I was told about it.
I should have gone. I wanted to go, but I just didn't feel ready. Not ready to see him. Not because I still love him, but because I have severe PTSD connected to what he has done to me.
Silly, really because I have more love and support and real friendship than he ever will in these rooms. I have people who hold my hand and my heart. I have nothing to fear. I am protected. And I will say the same thing to you. You are loved and you are protected. And I hope you will feel me right by your side when you walk in that door and holding your hand when you see your ex.
Aloha Nancy...I remember my sponsor telling me that I was setting myself up doing that along with my alcoholic. Sure enough as always my sponsor was right on the button and I had to admit that I hadn't gotten it yet and was still obsessing and "hooked into" the power and control, judgement and blame. The solution was in learning to love and accept myself unconditionally and cutting the connection behind the button she always hit. It sure felt like a miracle when the day came and I found myself accepting me without the "she" in my picture.
You can do it. You don't need anyone else to define who you are. Stand in your own light and walk with your HP.
(((((Nancy))))) That's a hard situation to deal with. For me I know I am not ready to go to any meeting where I may bump into my EXABF....I know my limits and can't put myself in that position now without jeopardizing my program. Is there any other meeting you could go to? Please focus on you and keep coming back
Keeping it simple shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
