The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I know I was taught that expectations were future resentments. I know that I got it or thought or came very close to getting it. So why was I at that meeting this morning after an alcoholic asked "Are you going tomorrow morning? I really need to be there!" Of course you all know what my reply was..."I'll be there to support."
LOL...I was there alone...and then after 20 minutes of reinventoring yesterdays 12th step the sanity settled on my shoulders like a warm, old cloak. When you go to meetings you go for you and no one else.
I already knew the evidence. He didn't call me for help; his wife did. Inside of an hour with alcoholic, I knew and he knew openly that he wasn't ready and he had and would continue to make promises he had no reason yet to keep.
Still the opportunity for a 12th step is done from responsibility ("...whenever anyone reaches out for help...and let it begin with me.") and always with faith (..."grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.") My past sponsors repeated..."Kill your expectations"..."Kill your ego and pride." Maybe I was peeking; seeing if the Clausman had come down the chimeny(?) or HP might be responding to my favorite prayer that starts off, "Lord make me an instrument of they peace..." Gotta watch out for that one when one of my major character defects is enabling.
Anyhow its still in HPs hands. I won't write of the hour we spent talking or how cunning, powerful and baffling my HP is. I don't ever know how things will turn out. I've been wrong often as a fortune teller. I've never done a miracle; HP has done them all.
Best part of this mornings meeting...The daily meditation. I'll read it one more time before closing this day out. Aloha Ahiahi. Good night.
"the sanity settled in on me like a warm old cloak", isn't it nice when the program kicks in and we can forgive ourselves for 'slips' and say progress not perfection. I think it's ok (personally) to let your favorite prayer be "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace", just watch the expectations and remember 12th step work is to carry the message to others in all our affairs.
Thanks so much for your share... You just reminded me that tho I know my brother is an A, I too have put to much focus on him and not enough of myself... He still chooses to "Not be Ready" and I have to except that one... I don't like it one "dang" bit, but i do now know that it is time to except, that his choices are his own, and I need to get back on track with my HP and see about getting Me settled back in to the live I dersve to live... Your shares are always so meaningful... Thanks so much Jerry for your ESH... It does me good to start my morning with reality.... Love and Hugs back at ya!!!
I think I have got it and understand well the meaning of expectations leading to resentment and then you come along and paint the picture for me so vividly that I know I did NOT have it all along and YOU have just painted the picture for me
Thank you Jerry for this, I so needed to fully understand that twelth step and that being there for me thingy!
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX H a p hap h a p p y Day now I got that into my head, never to be misunderstood again.
Suzannah
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Thank you so much for this share. As we all know I live around alcoholics and I have to remember daily the promises they never keep.
I have to boundary boundary and then boundary some more. Sanity sometimes is a brief glimpse in the middle of a day. I also know it hit me in the solar plexus about the exA because he was always promising.
