The material presented
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level.
last post was when my b/f went to detox afetr drinking for 15 days. ok in detox out of detox drank one hour later>???? then we are going to detox ourselves again. drink something different or not as much and maybe stop for a day or two when i say i can no longer do this. we talk he begs me AGAIN has been going on for how long? 8yrs which 3 were he was in prison for dui. and given all the treatments and detoxes maybe 4yrs with him actually..but 8 years of my life, for him to beg me once again to stay and how much he loves me, and how i would break his heart, and he will drink himself to death if i leave. he says what kind of life would he have without me? doesn't have one now right! I have been there for him so many times, and i feel for him he is bipolar and does not take meds, but says i know i will take them, yes i will go to meetings etc. I came home from work tonight and he is parked by all his alcoholic friens that live in an apartment close by..god i wanted to go in there and just scream at him AGAIN what are you doing? all his friends???except me drink, don't work and collect ss as he does. so now i know and have always i guess i don't want this anymore, he could never be there for me if i really needed, and i should not ffel bad for him as he causes all his own problems right? I know he has no self esteem and other mental issues, but what have i gotton out of this relationship? i am so tired of nver knowing what he will do when i am at work, he does nothing with his time, suppose to meet with the VA in the morning about getting into and aftercare program. only he is with all the other alcoholics drinking so guess that is not going to happen. so now the hard part how do i go, leave someone i have been with for 8 yrs ans try and pick up the pieces and forget all the hurt to move on? why do i feel so alone and why am i afraid of being alone, it's like i resent him for having me waste so much time on him and ruining my chances of maybe finding someone and being happy. i know it was me to for believing in and caring about someone that doesn't or won't stick with anything to help himself!! i know he will drink himself to daeth when i go, and i hate that thought, but guess he has already choosen to do this, i am so hurt and so angry!!! my family tells me to come to Virginia or Florida where they are, actually have done that before when i left, but my son is here and came back, but i am torn too as i think it would be great for me to be near sisters as my son has his own life now. and i can come visit him but feel the need to not even be in th same state as my b/f. thank you all so much for letting me vent, it was that or drive over and confront him and the so called drinking friens he is with now while i again sit here alone....
Good Job not driving straight over there to give everyone a peice of your mind - a situation likely to make you feel worse as it is reinforced to you that you cannot control anyones drinking/drugging. I used to do that kind of thing, leaving me feeling horribly frustrated and riduled with guilt at my own insane and angry behaviour. Good on you that you don't have THAT to deal with today! It sounds like it is time to make some good decisions for YOU! It sounds like you have a lot of answers floating around in your mindspace just waiting to come to fruition.
I learned through alanon, this board and f2f meetings, that taking on the problems and consequences of A behaviour will actually delay an A's opportunity to do for themselves, which is when the real changes occur for the A.
It doesn't sound to me like you are losing your mind as your post title suggests, but that you are actively working on a Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcoholthat our lives had become unmanageable.
Is there f2f meetings you can get to? I find them very helpful.
You are at the right place, now you just need to think about the next step, I am sure if you spoke to your son, and told him of your problems, he to would want you to go somewere you could be around family and safe and free to find yourself again, If you choose to go, you and your son may have to work harder for your relationship, but it may even make it stronger...So my thoughts would be to Get YOU Were you need to be, You are worth it, and yes it was a long time, but how much longer do you want it to be.. Some one once told me "Nothing Changes, IF Nothing Changes"... Change for me is a terrible thing, I am uncomfortable with things being "Sprung" on me Last minute, and honestly when i think about it, It isn't that I can't usually make it work.. Because I can... It is that I am a Control Freak, and can't stand not knowing what the next part is... So that is were I am trying for focus some of my energy..I failed at that just yesterday, so I guess there is more work to do...
Good luck to you, and your choices, for only you can make them... Just as He has made his! What happens to him or does not happen to him after you leave, is not on you! They are his choices to make, We all have choices... It is the ones you make... that "Make" Who... YOU ARE! You can change them with or with out someone standing next to you! I have learned that sometimes a big piece of Change, can make a little struggle All worth it in the end!!!!
Keep Coming Back.... You'll Get were you need to be... Jozie
Have you tried al anon? I mean really tried the tools. Personally I am not of the mind to tell anyone what to do. I know I absolutely hated it when people simply told me to leave when I was with an alcoholic. Leaving is a whole lot of decisions,not just one decision.
Al anon has a lot of tools that can help.
What I would recommend is you get into alanon go to meetings, take stock slowly with a program behind you.
I'm not sure where you are from but I don't know anyone who stays with an alcoholic who is from a functional family. I believe the reason many of us are with alcoholics is because we learned to put up with a great deal. Family may be a stop gap for you but are they dysfunctional too? Mine are. Family is definitely not an option for me. In my denial days they were, in my recovery days they aren't.
Marsie has made some very good points. Al-Anon meetings and tools will enable you to obtain clarity on your situation and the right actions that you can take. It is always suggested to newcommers that they make no major life changes for the first 6 months unless they are in a violent situation.
It appears that you have tried moving back to family and have returned to your boyfriend in the past.
With al anon meetings and tools you will be able to make decisions that are best for you and you will be able to stick with them.
It is all a process and along the way you will regain your ability to focus on yourself and make healthy choices.
You seem to be on a rollercoaster that is very familiar to all of us. The good news is you have choices. You may be poweless of the alcohol but you have full power over yourself. Feel free to hop off the rollercoaster and run to a Alanon meeting where you will pick up multiple tools.
Alcoholics are masters at manipulation and we are easily sucked in. When he says "if you leave he will drink himself to death", it's to guilt you in to getting his way. With his current behavior he is going to drink himself to death whether you go along for the ride or not. I'm not suggesting you leave or stay, but awareness of manipulation can be very empowering in setting our personal boundaries.
A couple days ago I posted a poem called "Letting Go", it pretty much outlined where our perspective should be. I hope you check it out. Keep coming back. No decision has to be made today. I hope you find a local meeting and begin the healing process.
Christy
__________________
If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
last post was when my b/f went to detox afetr drinking for 15 days. ok in detox out of detox drank one hour later>???? then we are going to detox ourselves again. drink something different or not as much and maybe stop for a day or two when i say i can no longer do this. we talk he begs me AGAIN has been going on for how long? 8yrs which 3 were he was in prison for dui. and given all the treatments and detoxes maybe 4yrs with him actually..but 8 years of my life, for him to beg me once again to stay and how much he loves me, and how i would break his heart, and he will drink himself to death if i leave. he says what kind of life would he have without me? doesn't have one now right! I have been there for him so many times, and i feel for him he is bipolar and does not take meds, but says i know i will take them, yes i will go to meetings etc. I came home from work tonight and he is parked by all his alcoholic friens that live in an apartment close by..god i wanted to go in there and just scream at him AGAIN what are you doing? all his friends???except me drink, don't work and collect ss as he does. so now i know and have always i guess i don't want this anymore, he could never be there for me if i really needed, and i should not ffel bad for him as he causes all his own problems right? I know he has no self esteem and other mental issues, but what have i gotton out of this relationship? i am so tired of nver knowing what he will do when i am at work, he does nothing with his time, suppose to meet with the VA in the morning about getting into and aftercare program. only he is with all the other alcoholics drinking so guess that is not going to happen. so now the hard part how do i go, leave someone i have been with for 8 yrs ans try and pick up the pieces and forget all the hurt to move on? why do i feel so alone and why am i afraid of being alone, it's like i resent him for having me waste so much time on him and ruining my chances of maybe finding someone and being happy. i know it was me to for believing in and caring about someone that doesn't or won't stick with anything to help himself!! i know he will drink himself to daeth when i go, and i hate that thought, but guess he has already choosen to do this, i am so hurt and so angry!!! my family tells me to come to Virginia or Florida where they are, actually have done that before when i left, but my son is here and came back, but i am torn too as i think it would be great for me to be near sisters as my son has his own life now. and i can come visit him but feel the need to not even be in th same state as my b/f. thank you all so much for letting me vent, it was that or drive over and confront him and the so called drinking friens he is with now while i again sit here alone....