The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Those of you who have been following my story know that I have been on a roller coaster ride of emotions lately. It got even crazier the past week when EXABF wrote me an email and mentioned "finding me, no matter what"when he got to the point where he was capable of giving us a fair shot again-as there are some things he has to work on on a personal level also.) Now I understand that words are just words...and as much as my heart wants to believe them, my head has been on the opposite end of that. Needless to say it lead me into a tug of war emotionally and into a bit of obsessing behavior. I also felt the old familiar depression sneaking back into my life. I have been struggling for the past week, and fighting with everything I had -what I was feeling-(when I could even begin to think how I felt). One of my biggest fears is hating, and holding onto anger and resentment and becoming the woman I am fighting so hard to rid myself of.....the one who hated for nearly 15 yrs before. After talking with several people and my sponsor I realized that the cause of most of the turmoil was ME FIGHTING MY FEELINGS.....and just not feeling them-whatever they may be and moving through them. I realized today, after lots of reading some of my Language of Letting Go that I need to trust my HP and this, as uncomfortable as I am feeling, is right where I am supposed to be. That I will gain clarity when I am done learning this lesson that is currently being worked out in me, and we do not always have clear direction and refusing to accept the inaction or limbo only makes things worse for me. Clarity will come and indecision, inactivity and lack of direction will not last forever.. So I guess I am right where I need to be........all screwed up-TODAY:) thanks for letting me share..... Trying to keep it simple Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I have been in a few tug of wars myself as of late, and for some reason, I have had quite I time shaking them, but I am getting there...This program opened up so much for & OF my life and You are the soul person I can thank!!! If not for you I would still be Pissy everyday, and and just want to be left alone...So you Can & Will get thru, because you my dear... Don't know how to fail... :) So hold your head up and every now and again, just take a couple deep breathes, and remember... This moment is the only one you need to focus on now! You need me Yell... I have desided to also change my name to me.. Tired of being "Missing Out" because now there isn't much I can not do... Thanks to this great new family you handed me...
Keeping you in Love & Prayers.... Lori
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
when he got to the point where he was capable of giving us a fair shot again-as there are some things he has to work on on a personal level also.)