The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I moved out of my A BF apartment 2 weekends ago. I had nowhere to go and two cats but I couldn't stay and be treated the way I was being treated. He was in the middle of a 10 day binge and doesn't really remember anything he did or said...he just knows that it was pretty ugly. He says that it was hi bottom and he'll do anything to get beter andeventually get me back. I'm sure you all know how hard it was to make the decision to leave....it's even harder now. I found an apartment and I work full time and go to school full time. So at least I'm busy. My BF moved in with his mother and has been going to 2 AA meetings a day, got a new sponser and is back at work. I'm just so scared to trust him. He knows that no matter what I need to be on my own for at least 6 months. I know only I can decide what's right for me. I just feel like I finally had the courage to move out and now I have to make the decision of: Is this what I want my life to be? I know that A's can get sober and lead happy productive lives but as my mother would say....it's just as easy to love a rich man as it is a poor man (she's a wonderful person...she just wants the best for me). He wants to have coffee this weekend. I feel safe and OK with that but I don't want to give him the idea that we'll for sure get back together at some point....because I'm just not sure of ANYTHING right now. He keeps saying that he really wants to get better this time and that he'll do anything....I'm just scared of getting hurt again. I'm just so sad and I have no family here...it's hard. I've been going to Al Anon meetings and most of the time I feel OK...I mean, I know I made the right decision and I'm going to stick with my decision....it' just that now I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening. -reef
Hello Reef and welcome and yes u did make the right decission for you . Stick with your boundaries of him being on his own for 6 months , u need to find yurself again and God knows he does . I pay very little attention to what people say I watch what they do . Date have fun get to know his new AA friends and make new ones in your program . If u don't have a sponsor find one they are one of the many gifts u find here. Your very busy working full time and go ing to school that is a good thing . Unfortunatley they don't give any guarantees in either of our programs sobriety does not solve all of lifes problems but two programs make it alot easier to solve them when they come up . Good luck keep the focus on your needs for a change and u will be just fine . Louise
Your last sentence reminded me of the slogan my exsponsor gave me when I couldn't decide what to do next or at all. "When in doubt... DON'T" Clearly that was mean't for me "the reactor". If there was any doubt at all about what I was to do I was to do nothing until I got more guidance and direction. Prayer, meditation, speaking with my sponsor and others in the program and good to meetings and reading literature was perfectly helpful. I just got reaquainted with our of our CAL pieces of literature entitled "As We Understood." It is a compilation of memories from past and elder members of the Family Groups and very revealing regarding how they changed in recovery.
You're doing two full time things now and lots of stuff in between. Don't forget that it is all about taking care of you first.
This is where our "ODAT" really needs to kick in.... My recommendation is to avoid all conversations about the "future", even with yourself, for the time being..... One foot in front of the other, breathe in, breathe out.... Tomorrow will take care of itself, and you don't need to figure it all out today....
Take care of you.... Sounds like you are doing great
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I think Jerry's suggestion is a good one. I also think reading Getting them Sober is a great resource. The book is available at the top of the page.
Nothing like being prepared.
Good for you for taking care of yourself. I also moved with pets. I also know it was hell. I am also glad and grateful I did. My life is incredibly incredibly difficult. I also know its better than it was.
((( Reef))) My heart goes out to you, as I was once there too, with AexH. What you did took courage-no doubt you have that. I found when I was going through that time in my life, that it was better for me to just try my best to go about my daily routine, and keep myself busy. It's hard though, what you did was hard, what you are feeling is hard. Just try and stay focused on the now.........and WAIT........when the answers do not seem clear-WAIT. You will get the answers you need, but it might the time might not be now so WAIT. Do nothing, make no major decisions, and just WAIT. Your direction will become clearer if you give it time.
Take care of u~ Shellyj
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
