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Talked to his mom today. She is torn- well, after talking to me she is torn. I think her original plan was to bond him out as he had asked and then go get him tonight. I do realize that I do not walk in her shoes, but did give my opinion since she asked and told her I didn't believe that bailing him out was necc helping him as he is out on bond in 5 counties and it is just a matter of time before he goes back or more likely overdoses. She then called tonight and said she was going to tell him she wasn't getting him out. I questioned my motives- do I want him in jail because it is easier for me- or better for him. So, I told her that I don't have the answers and that I will support her whatever decision she makes. That whatever decision she makes will be the right one. I do feel bit bad that I might have influenced her if she does not bail him out because I do not really know the answers here. I feel like she will probably get him out. Ahh...just don't know how I feel right now. I just don't want to have any responsibility in if he stays or goes- that is in influencing her decision. Yet, I did question it. What do you all think?
You certainly are qualified for the program and still a newbie. Keep coming back and asking for help. You did good! We never do perfect when you consider that everyone we are hooked into have their own motives and choices. You shared you ESH with her; supported her and then let her go. Isn't that about what we are trying to learn here?
After a while in program we stop second guessing ourselves and feel satisfied that we are doing what we are being taught and guided. You can second guess and bounce the ball of fear around for a while and over check your motives and all the other early program stuff. Then again we come to understand that we get absolutely no benefit from it and that it is "old self" stuff and we learn to let that go also.
You did the best you could at the time with what you had and because you care are a caring person. Nuff said. Let your HP now have it and find another pleasant thougt or project to do.
Hello Coda, I can only speak from my own experience. I bailed my daughter out of jail once and we reimbursed someone who bailed her out another time while she was away at college. My son and husband didn't want me to bail her out with $1,000 dollars cash on a weekend, but I got my friend and we gathered the cash. I had been in bed most of the day crying for her and scared of her being in jail before I went to the jail with the money. When I got there, she told me she had been playing cards with some people. What! Playing cards and a tv there too? And she didn't seem appreciative at all. That was a lesson for me. About a year later, my husband and I finally had the gutts to call the police and have her taken to jail. I cried so hard on the phone when I told the 911 operator that we couldn't restrain her anymore in her drunken state. My husband had bruises on his back from her kicking him while he held her down for her own protection. Then, the next day they let her out! They didn't have enough jail cells and it was either transfer her to another jail with females or let her out. But, that time something clicked in her head. And slowly she began to WANT help for her disease. In my opinion there is something to not enabling them and letting them suffer the consequences, yet it is a family disease too and the dynamics of the family sure get messed up. Whateve his mom does, know she is doing the only thing she is able to do at the time with what she knows or how she feels. That maternal instinct is sure strong, I found. Hang in and keep coming back. cdb
