The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
When you are bored or lonely and just feel like fighting with them to get some kind of "live" response. When you just feel disappointed that there isn't normal conversation and "normal" stuff in your life. Besides read alanon lit. call sponsor etc. What are some fun things you guys do to make life good for yourself. I find myself waiting for his TV show to be over or whatever hoping maybe we will talk or play or do something together then of course it doesn't happen.
So I need to get up a move on my own but at those times I feel down and lazy myself and end up just wasting the day.
Any suggestions on breaking the cycle of uselessness?
Is it just fake it till you make it- just do something even if you do feel down and lazy just do what you would do if he wasn't here????
Well, for me, there are times I need to just be still and alone and sit with myself very quietly. Sometimes for whole days at a time. I think part of this has to do with the nature of my job- its very social and there are times I just need to not be in anyones presence and just sit and chill out. I definitely need to rest at times. And resting is so important to me on so many levels- I work a lot and love my job but resting is crucial (and I am NOT talking about sleeping although that is real important to me, too).
When I am "bored" and "lonely" I recognize that its most likely stinking thinking and that I am in my disease. I stop. I detach. I stop everything and examine why I am in that place. I am gentle with myself. But I work to root it out. I know its not me, its my disease.
When I find myself 'bored" (which is totally a state of mind that you DO have control over- as the saying goes: "if you are bored you are really not paying attention") I usually put tuck my ipod in and go running or go to the gym or sometimes I go grocery shopping, do laundry, head to the thrift store, meet a friend for tea/coffee, read, cook, call up my sister, go see a movie, go try a new restaurant, etc.
These are some things. I also like to try new al-anon meetings! I live in a city so there are lots to try, J.
WOW!!!! I had a Saturday like that this week with my husband and he isn't even the A in my life. He has been dealing with some issues for some time now. His whole weekend was watching football and nothing else. I spent Saturday watching Lifetime tv in my bedroom most of the day feeling sorry for myself. It was the "my life stinks" day and I should just leave and live somewhere by myself. The truth is that I don't want to live somewhere by myself. When I woke up on Sunday I changed my whole attitude. I made coffee and then made breakfast. I cleaned up the kitchen and did a load of laundry. After that I decided to drive myself 45 minutes away to go to a church that I use to go to. After the service I went shopping by myself. It was a great day. I called my husband to see if I could bring him dinner home. I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was wondering what in the hell was going on. I did not react to anything he said or did that day. I did what I could to take care of myself and not let his mood reflect on me. It is hard for me to get motivated to do things alone but I really enjoyed shopping when no one was giving me advice or asking if I was ready to leave. I surely am going to try and do more things alone and let him sit at home until he decides to do something to take care of himself.
Hi Glad , well now u get a life , reconnect with old friends , go to a movie with a girlfriend or go alone . find a hobby u used to enjoy and stop waiting for him to want to talk ,god I remember those days . sheeeeesh You don't say if he is sober or still drinking tho really dosent matter , do u ask him to take u to a movie or go with you for a walk ? Some one has got to make the first move and trust me it probably isn't going to be h im . If you want change we have to be willing to create it . ask for what u need and see what happens , good luck Louise
Glad...Sometimes I made a list of all kinds of stuff I can or will do and then pick and choose from the list without expectation of a perfect finish.
Yesterday was choose to go fishing for a while. My spouse is a football fanatic and she can go immobile as a marble statue at times. I've got a choice spend time with her the tv and two football teams and all the announcers, fans, cheerleaders blah blah blah...and I will for a time or go outside for me. Caught a fish yesterday!!! but it didn't come home with me. It decided to spit out the hook just before I landed it and it left. I thank the fish for my smile a quicker heart beat and lifted emotions. It's gotta know I'll be baaauk!! Went and met a new neighbor and talked with an old one and got the battery to my rider mower and spoke with my eldest son and even my wife left the tv for a while and joined me.
Now add a couple of drops of alcohol to that picture....
for me the al anon suggestions of getting very busy are key. Being around an active alcoholic is usually the place to be provoked. The focus for me has to be totally off them. I cultivate a really hard line not knowing around an alcoholic. Knowing doesn't help. Second guessing them is a real issue. I work on really being active in my own life. If I am very very busy t he issue of resentment comes up less.
I know all this is pretty hard to do. Honesty is great. I know for me looking at ways I sabatage myself is pretty hard going.
