The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, he called today from jail and I went ahead and answered it. Had this vivid dream about him last night and was actually reading posts when he called. Anyway, I told him that I had quit drinking- which he already knew- his mom had told him. He told me he thought that was a good decision, etc. Part of the reason I think I answered the phone was because I wanted his approval about my new abstinence- which I know is not good. Another reason is because today we sorta rehashed out last time together- you know the me throwing myself at him for sex thing. I needed to "feel better" about that and he assured me today that it wasn't that he didn't want to have sex with me...blah...blah..blah. I listened to his recount of what landed him in jail this time- heroin with the girl he used to date- both overdosed- she to hospital and he to jail. I listened to him minimize his situtation and laugh about his circumstance. I must admit that when I hung up I missed him. When the phone rings this afternoon I keep looking to see if it is him. Not good. Going to back up and sit still again. Went to a meeting this week and got the Codependency 12 step work book. Started it last night. Also been on the AA site and listening to their words of wisdom. Going to look up one of the AA local meetings as well. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Thanks for listening as always.
((((Cpdependant))))) It is so very hard to detach, I still struggle with it after knowing it is what is best for me and my son. I was soooo obsessed with what he was doing, where he was, why I wasn't enough, etc etc etc. It took months before I finally realized that he did what was best for us in the long run and probally gave us the only shot at a long run that we could have had. Sometimes now, when he calls, I don't pick up the phone........sometimes I just need the space to focus on me and I take it-without guilty feelings. I have found that by working the steps, going to meetings, posting here, talking to my sponser, and Living in the NOW that it is soooooo much easier to focus on me and my recovery. Keep coming back! Your friend in recovery shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Well, his mom called tonite and said he wanted her to ask me to come visit tonite. I didn't make that trip. He didn't want a commitment when he was out saying, "I just don't understand why we have to stop being friends just because I don't want that kind of relationship with you RIGHT NOW." "I mean why can't we just go out and have a good time." "Like, do you want to run off right now and get married or something?" Just venting again- thanks.
Good for you for not going!!! I don't say that to be cruel about your ex. I say it because everytime I read your posts I hear how anguished you are. And we all have choices. And tonight you made the best choice for YOU!!!
I think it takes a great deal to commit to working this program. Believe me you are trying hard. None of us get to a place of being able to do it all overnight. Keep at it.
