The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really can put myself first. My son went to court thursday, they sent him to an overnight program then were sending him to a 3/4 house for 30 days. His probation officer called to tell us so that we would not worry when he did not return.
Today at 7 pm he called to tell us where he was. We said how much we love him and support him him and how glad we were that he was in treatment. He said he needed some things, we said we'd be happy to get them (some clothes, toiletries, linens & towels) and would bring them up tommorrow. He said that he really needs them tonight cause he's been in the same clothes for over 24 hrs.
My husband and I had been invited to a formal dinner party and had already RSVP. We were on our way out the door. I can't believe that I said "not tonight we have plans"! In the past I'd have dropped everything, fought with my husband over it and then rushed to "help". I reiterated that we would be by tommorrow, told him we loved him and hung up the phone.
I was stunned that I was able to do that (thanks to what I have been learning in Alanon). We went out to the dinner party, had a wonderful time! I won't kid myself, this may not be my son's son turning point in recovery, but you know what? It sure is mine.
Stinky clothes for another 24 hours won't kill him.
Wow, good start. One baby step at a time. One "next right thing" at a time. For me it was coming to the realization I couldn't undo all the times I had enabled them, what I could do was the next right thing. Little by little I was able to see how much I was enmeshed with it all. One step towards my progress gave me courage to make another step towards doing what was best for me. I too noticed alot of the fights stopped. I too noticed I was less angry and resentful because of wrecked plans. Great post. Keep coming back. For me it was learning there was no magic wand just daily choices, decisions...less reacting more responding.
wow i really like this too and just reading it i feel the serenity in making the choice to leave the chaos behind .. i'm so glad you handled it this way and what strength this program brings to us .. you got to your dinner party, got to Keep your dignity and your serenity, you avoided the increased tension that may have developed between you and your spouse, and you didn't drive home after missing your party, whatiffing all the way .. you also avoided the after embarrassment of running in to guests who know you didn't make the party or as they say you avoided the excuse making process for the a thinker ... So Good for You ..
this reminds me of that saying.. if it's good for us, it's good for them ..
when we treat ourselves better, they have to treat us better to which they have to be better people as well
thanks for sharing !!
-- Edited by hope for me n you at 11:00, 2009-01-10
on another member's face!!
