The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This morning my son stopped by to drop off his car before going to court. He was on probation, then got an an OUI. He had the arraignment for the OUI on the 5th. Today is court for possible revocation for probation. I know at the arraignment he had a long discussion with the prosecutor about handling both offenses. Pretty sure he's going to jail but I believe I can handle that.
I feel sad, but not the heart crushing pain, nor the heart pounding anxiety I have felt in the past (thanks to the support from Alanon). I just prayed to my HP to do His will, to give my son courage and strength, and that whatever comes, comes.
I wish it was...he spent 2 weeks in jail in Oct conviction on Drunk & Disord. Has been arrested 3 times since then so there's at least 3 overnighters. Makes me sad but maybe an extended stay will cause enough pain to motivate change. At the rehab place I attended an excellant family session on the Toxic Brain. The only thing that gets through is pain and at Alanon I learn that I need to let him feel the pain.
Your son and you & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
I also know how it feels when a child has to serve jail time.
When our son had to go to jail last year (DUI), it did break my heart. But I also felt some relief in knowing that he had consequences to face for his inappropirate behavior.
Fortunately, my son was already in recovery and living sober when his jail time was assigned. It did have an inpact on him since he was living his nightmare while learning to live sober and making his journey in recovery. The experience of serving time allowed him to reflect and made him even more determined to get himself healthy.
As some people will tell you to take care of yourself...well, that is much easier said than done when your child is battling such a devastating disease. I always say that our children are an extension of ourselves. And it just goes against nature to severe that extension. When THEY hurt, WE hurt. That's just how it is.
Detatching and setting bounaries are still possible, though. I have set boundaries that I am comfortable with. Boundaries that let me sleep at night without guilt. And I have detached myself from the chaos that my son still has to face and clean the mess he made when he was actively drinking. My son is still cleaning up his dirt, and he has been sober and in recovery for about 18 months.
My son's HP will get him through the rough times ahead as long as my son allows his HP to do so. And my HP will get me through those rough times ahead as well because I will allow my HP to do so.
I will always offer my son support and encouragement. I will always be there for him regardless. With help from our Higher Power (which is God, Jesus) to us.
Please know that my prayers are with your son and you.
Maybe your feelings will shift just a bit to more relaxed and positive when you recite the 3C's after you pray that you love him. "I love him. I Didn't cause this, can't control it and can't cure it. Put your son back into the equation and support him as he arrives at a solution. His PO is part of that solution if your son stops fighting and reaching out asking for help. Very hard for fearful, alcoholics and addicts.
Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Ps...try to remember that jail is not hell. Hell always comes before jail.
