The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
((((Family)))) So my brave face never made it. I started crying yesterday I just couldnt stop, tears flowing quitely down my face. I tried to hide it fom my Abf in my good old codependant way. Still they came, he didnt notice at first ha ha, when he did he was kind and I kept a lid on it as neither of us can afford a showdown. This morning was good and we both coped well with the impending seperation and goodbyes. We were good just like we can be.
He had some appointments due to his coming out of rehab and possibly now homeless because of my/our decisions over the future. Appointments done we had some lunch and a tender time to say farewell, then I took him the train station to catch his train back to rehab, usually I do the two hour journey but I just couldnt. So I come home and fall apart. You all know the pain so bad it could just kill you there and then, I was in pieces and I know there's alot more to come. I kept clinging onto the thought I'd done the only right thing and it had to be done but that's not enough to comfort me when all I want is him here with me always. Then like a bolt out the blue or my HP speaking to me it dawned on me what had really happend today. The outcome of my Abf keeping those appointments today, something he wouldnt have done if he was moving in with me where that he was given 3 options for really good accomodation in supported living houses, one is a 12 step house and all are of a high quality. Plus while he was at one of the services he got offerd a course, and met an old friend who is now a service worker who has offerd some possible work and support. How amazing is that, already rewards for doing the right thing. Not misery but a miracle. My tears have stopped for now, I know there will be more pain ahead but I have my program and my HP to see me through, it can only get better.
I definitely found it very hard to separate from and let go of the A. I think you did phenomenonly. I am not sure how much contact you are going to have with the A. I know for me I was way way over involved and any contact at all was very painful. The more I focused on my own life the better it was for me. There are recovery resources out there, they may not be perfect but they are out there.
I was starting to get very blue thinking about my situation...full of the stinking thinking when I read your post. You've given me hope for today and my son. thanks for sharing.
