The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I finally got the courage to get honest with my Abf. He's on weekend home leave the last one before he's back for good from rehab. We had the conversation last night. He had stuff he wanted to tell me and I could sense the weight of it. I think it suprised him how much I had thought it through and where I'd arrived at. I told him I was letting him go free to find his true self, to give him the space he needs to go on recovering, to be all he can be. No ultimatums no pressure, just letting him go.It was the right thing to do, the only thing I can do for him. I explained why it was this way, and he had pretty much come to the same conclusion through his own work but I knew he couldnt quite bring himself to let go of me as he is full of fear for the future. I could take him in, ease the path with financial and accomodation issues, but I'm not going to. This is all good for him I know that. It's so painful and until he goes back tomorrow I'm putting SUCH a brave face on. I cant wait to have a good long cry then pick myself up and carry on my recovery from codependancy. As for the pain..... well this too will pass, I will leave it in the hands of my HP, I will be ok. I just keep telling myself if you love something then let it go, if it comes back it was meant to be.
Thanks for being there for me, your words carry me through when I'm doubting myself.
Carol It is so hard to find the 'right' thing to do and when we make a decision we sometimes still look for the validation that it was the 'right thing. That's a daily struggle for me and I constantly over analyze my decisions since my 'gut feelings' don't seem to work anymore. It sounds like you are doing what is best for you and that is so important. Go ahead and cry when you can - it is not wrong to acknowledge your pain. Lots of hugs and support.
Carol, I am seeing acceptance, surrender and faith and it gives me goosebumps! This looks like a beautiful example of step 3. You do indeed have courage! which is not the absence of fear, but doing the action in spite of it.
HP never promised "easy".... he promises company. I need the company of this fellowship, all trying to do HP's will, not our own. Thank you for sharing this, it's another reason for me to keep coming. ((((hugs))))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
That was very inspiring Carol! I got caught up in figuring out who my A husband finally was. In the end, I should have let him go. I might have saved myself some pain. You are right to work on yourself and your recovery from codependancy. Good luck with your journey.
Wow good for you. I do know many many alcoholics who struggle. I don't hear that many in recovery blame anyone else for their problems if they are in recovery.
I hope you will continue to come here we need you to help us all through the difficulties in dealing with codependence.
There is a lot to do even after you have separated. I am almost two years out and feel like I am still a baby.
Ugh Carol, I can just feel the weight of it myself.
I can so relate and am very impressed with what you did. I know it will not be easy. For me, its almost a relief to do this initially but about two weeks in and the deep dark lonelies hit and I am a total mess. I get worse a little later down the line...and start to second guess myself.
I find your courage inspiring, thank you for your post! Hugs, J.
Carol... Good for you... I hope to one day have the courage that you showed in your choices to make right by your life... Good Job girl.... Hey!! Don't forget to come back regularly so you can keep inspiring the rest of us...We need to see courage ALOT... Good for you girl, and if the tears help, drop them like buckets, you seserve everyone of them...
Thanks for the Hope of a brighter tomorrow...
Much Hugs... Missing out.
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Forgiveness- Isn't about forgettingwhat happened,its about Giving Up,All Hope,of a Better Past!
I find myself in the same situation. It would be so easy for me to let him come home and "take care of" all his problems. I have to remember that though...these are HIS problems, not mine. Just because I love him does not make his faults and irresponsibilities my mess to clean. God keep me strong in this process and let him realize his unfortunes...
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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...
I just want to give you an "Atta Girl". When my AH was in rehab, they strongly suggested to everyone that the A not go home. Given my experience from then to now (2 yrs), I must say no trueer words have been spoken.
It certainly is not an easy or uncomplicated choice, but you know you don't want him back "as is". So much healing to be done for both of you. Early sobriety is just the beginning of new journey, and not necessarily an easier one. I didn't know that at the time. Yay, for you in figuring it out!
Hang in there. More will be revealed.
Blessings, Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
