The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My story is long, so I'll just sum it up by saying that my husband isn't coming home tonight. I'd rather not see him at all, than to see him drunk AGAIN.
We've been married for 9 years and have been dealing with his alcoholism for 3 years (since our son was born). He has cheated on me with a prostitute (which is how I finally accepted/realized that he had a drinking problem) and he has been in rehab, yet he continues to drink.
It's always bad around the holidays. Christmas used to be my favorite holiday. This year I decided I would try to not let him ruin my holiday. I decided not to get angry and yell when he comes home drunk (because that never really helps anyway) and whenever possible, not deal with him at all. Luckily my parents have a vacant condo near our house and he has spent a lot of drunken nights there. It was very refreshing to tell him to stay at my parents' place tonight after he called to say that he was at a bar in the mall and he couldn't find where he parked the car. Of course I was nice about it (so as to not give him ammunition to drink more). I suggested that once he finds the car it might be better to stay at my parents' place since it's closer to the mall than our house.
I guess I'm just rambling here. I only have one person I can talk to about this (my cousin), so I was glad to find this message board. Thanks for listening.
Welcome to MIP! I am very sorry that you have this disease of alcoholism to deal with, but I'm glad you found us. You will find many caring people here and lots of E,S,&H (experience, strength, and hope). You are definately on the right track in changing your own behavior as you are the only one you can control. I hope you will look up a face2face Al-Anon meeting in your area as well. My local meetings are a source of great strength for me.
Keep coming back here and read all you can and ask questions and share as you need to.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
When my husband was in rehab, I went to an Al-Anon meeting and I felt like it was unproductive. All we did was go around the room, introduce ourselves, and then go around the room again, taking turns reading the 12 steps. There was no personal sharing and it felt very structured.
Unfortunately I am all too familiar with Al-Anon - my dad is a recovering alcoholic (sober for 24 years - HOORAY) and my younger brother is a recovering addict/alcoholic, so I've been to a few Al-Anon meetings in my lifetime. It just sucks that I now have a husband who is an alcoholic.
Maybe I just need to find a different meeting. . .one that is more about sharing than structure.
Yes please look for another meeting. Every one is a little different. That one sounds kind of depressing and none too welcoming to a newcomer. I'm sorry about that. My home group meeting is a very warm and welcoming bunch and I know there are many others like it. You may also be able to find a newcomers meeting. Some areas have them. Otherwise just try several. One will click for you.
Find some literature at a meeting or you can order books from the MIP site here, or your local Al-Anon literature center. The meetings will have lots of free pamphlets, too, to get you started.
Keep coming back here, too, of course.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I have only one person to talk to about this problelm !!! Please find an Al-Anon group as soon as u can , make an effort do it for you . u will find people who understand exactly how u feel , who don't give advice but share thier own experiences about how to detach with love and to get on with your life . You don't have to let the alcholic ruin christmas for you , your not responsible for his behavior keep the focus on your needs he will do what he has to do . Have a good one . Louise
Welcome to MIP! You have come to the right place. I felt the same about 4 years ago. I went to an Alanon meeting and said "Only an A can F-up Christmas". Alot has happend for me between then and this Christmas. I go to meetings, read the literature, and keep the focus on me. Give it another try. And you can have the Christmas that you want.
