The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Is it me or am I missing something?? Do I need to be a "member" or something to get acknowledged on this site? This is the very reason I don't attend Al Anon. I feel like a number. Every time I try to attend I get the same old spill - nobody is allowed to share their personal experiences, only "general topics" directly relating to the Al Anon program only. I have legitimate, specific problems here and can get no help. Yes, I did receive 1 private message, and I greatly appreciate that but none of my other posts have had any response. I need real advice, I need someone to say "hey, yes, that happened to me and this is what I did that worked - or didn't work" or "try this" or "statistically when your A does this - this happens" etc, etc. I am lost.
Peace, yes, we are here. I have not personally read any of your previous posts, but if you got a private message, someone did. You are a "member" because you found this site. You are a "member" because you must be affected by someone else's drinking. Please, go ahead and post your whole situation. I promise you will get responses. You may or may not like all of them. When I found this site I was in deep despair over my son's alcohol use, his divorce, the dysfunctional family we had become, my own physical illness, my spouse's illness....nothing seemed manageable. I felt alone and completely undone for the first time in my life. It took many weeks of reading and sometimes posting my own rants. But I kept coming back. That is what you have to do. You will be advised on reading material. You will be advised to find a local Al-Anon meeting to attend in person. You will be told stories both like and not so like your own, but at the core, alcoholism will be involved. Take a deep breath and continue on here. It will help, I promise.
I think if you started your own post with your concerns you would get alot of ESH. You can be as specific as you want to be. We will respond with our own ESH and not advice. I can't tell you what to do or give you a direction but I can relate and tell you how it was for me and what worked for me. Good luck and never give up!!!!!
I see this is the first topic you have initiated. I also see you responded to two other people.
If you want direct responses, I have always found that you need to start a thread...like you did with this post. And look it's working already! You have three replies and the day is young!!!
Keep coming back. Keep reading and asking questions.
If your face to face meeting isn't working for you and you are fortunate to live in a area where you have options (more meetings) try a different one. If not, give the meeting you have attended a little more time. It may start clicking for you.
And please get some literature if you can. Our daily readers, "One Day at a Time in Alanon" and "Courage to Change" are indispensible! Also I would recommend "How Al-Anon Works". You can usually pick these up at a meeting or you can purchase them online new or used (ebay, etc.). I also often find al-anon books at used book stores in the Recovery/Self Help sections.
Thank you so much for posting and again, welcome to Miracles in Progress!
I generally respond a lot to other people. I'm not sure what your situation is. The goldmine of this site is in the archives you can follow certain people through stage of their recovery. This group, like any other group is a mixed group some people manage, through working a program, stay with active alcholic without having it destroy them or their family. Other people have alcoholics who get in recovery they recover together. Other people leave. I'm not sure what your situation is but there is undoubtedly something like it in the archives.
Many of us come here in crisis. I know I did. I wanted someone to lead me through. The issue was that I had to learn skills, pretty difficult skils like detaching, stoping being overinvolved in other people's lives, giving up people pleasing and many other issues. No one could do that for me. Certainly I found warmth, understanding, love, non judgement, acceptance here. I did have to really work at getting to know people. It can be pretty daunting to go to a new group and start getting to know people. I know I go to new 12 step meetings all the time. I'm very familiar with feeling new and left out. At the same time we have to start somewhere, every journey begins with a single brick.
There is an absolute ton of literature out there on codependence and al anon. The new al anon text comes highly prized.
Peace, Welcome to the board. I did a search for other topics you started and didn't see any besides this one. So did you have another name?
I would suggest that when you post let us know what you need. For example for the subject say "ESH needed", or "Need Support" If you have an expectation of us it is only fair to let us know what your needs are.
Also just remember that if you are requesting ESH, you may have to wait for someone to come along who has ESH in the same area that you are struggling with.
The people here are some of the most caring and loving people that you could ever hope to know. Just remember that we aren't perfect and we are not mind readers :).
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
As has already been mentioned, if you are looking for specific ES&H it would be helpful if you started your own post. It is easy to get lost when we ask for help in the middle of someone else's post.
I would encourage you to keep trying face-to-face meetings until you find one that is a good fit for you. It sounds like maybe you found a group that isn't very healthy. Al-Anon is a safe place to share what is going on in your life and to listern as others share their own ES&H. In my home group, each person is free to share on the topic of the meeting, on what is going on in his/her life, or nothing at all. Of course, if someone has specific questions to ask, they are responded to after the meeting because there is no cross-talk during the meeting.
I hope that you will start a thread about what you are going through and what sort of ES&H you are looking for--this Program works if you work it and if you keep coming back!!
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
Try another meeting if you can or keep going and get to know a couple of people at the one you can get to. Ask about a sponsor and share at your meeting how lonely or confused you feel. Most likely you will get someone responding after the meeting. Some meetings have very rigid rules about sticking to the topic and no crosstalking, ours does not. In an effort to be more welcoming, we allow sharing on any topic that a person wishes to talk about. I can see how a larger group may get a little out of hand, though. Anyway, my point is that every group is autonomous, which means to each thier own. Beyond keeping to the traditions, each group runs thier meetings as they see fit. So try as many as you can get to. One will surely click for you.
As the others have also stated, post a new topic if you want the most direct response here. Also you may not realise that this site can get pretty busy. If you post to a topic even a couple of days old, not many people will see it cause we try to stay current and it has already passed.
Please keep coming back and share your story. There are many loving people here, and we are very glad you found us.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
And look it's working already! You have three replies and the day is young!!!