The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I'm finally there! I just spent the last 3 weeks so sad...so miserable because he was still rejecting me. Still saying he wants to be w/ me and loves me but wouldn't answer my calls, ignored my emails and did not answer the door. He hasn't even once asked to see his daughter in almost a mth! Luckily she is only a yr so she doesn't even realize the loss. But today I went off! He called and I told him straight up that no one is to blame for him but him. He claims I am selfish- I told him that who picked your butt up numerous times from detox, who paid the bills and kept a roof over your head? Who fed your children and explained why daddy sleeps all the time? AND I"M THE ONE WHO IS SELFISH? I told him he has never thought of me in this relationship from day one but IAM THINKING OF ME FROM TODAY AND FORWARD! I told him that when he is rotting in his mommys basement and thinking poor me poor me he can just look in the mirror and find whose to blame because it is not me! He hung up on me but I tell ya- I got off that phone and had more energy and happiness in myself than in a long time. I think I'm moving on...as for forgiveness? Not when he is eventually going to hurt my girl w/ his actions. I will wait and work for that later...
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People may not remember what you did or what you said but they will remember how you made them feel...
It would be a good time to go look for that Alanon hotline number in your local phone book and see if someone will watch the child so that you can get to some face to face meetings meeting real live members of this family. Resentments are like boomarangs. Somehow after you toss em out there and turn your back back on them they come back fast and getcha!!
Keep coming back it works when your woke it. (((((hugs)))))
I certainly raged on at the A a great deal. I still have a lot of anger. For a time those rages worked for me. Of course they did nothing to make him sober. I used to have a rant that I chanted at him "me me me me me".
I really felt it was total self absorption on his part. I think actually now he thought very little about himself and very little about anything but just reacted to every single thing in his life by using. So in some ways my ranting at him pushed him further into addiction. These days I don't speak to the A. I'm not sure I could speak without ranting or showing my anger so I don't speak to him. I don't have anything good to say so I don't say it.
There are ways to transfrom your anger. I can understand its incredible difficult to be around someone who is so in their addiction. The issue for me was the sicker he got, the sicker I got, the rants, the screaming, the temper tantrums I had. Now I try really hard not to scream at anyone, that's pretty hard. I have to be incredibly boundaried to do that.
I'm glad you are here. You can go to the chat room anytime to spell out your rage. We all know it, we have all felt it. You can learn other tools of how to take care of yourself.
