The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I will try not to go into too much detail. But someone needs prayers right now, several someones that are very special to me.
My daughter is facing some health problems that are still undiagnosed, she's functioning but going through odd symptoms and lots of tests. She's in the middle of changing jobs, at the same time her husband is in a financial crisis. This is enough stress for anybody, but... for my granddaughter, the time has come for the insanity to begin. The insanity of being bi-polar, 14, empathic, drop-dead gorgeous, and having the blood of alcoholics running in her veins up every branch of her family tree.
I told her last night that I loved her and that the reason she's having such a hard time of it right now is because she's very special. And I believe that. I'm not sure she understands that herself. I sensed things about her when she was just a baby, a toddler... she was a wonderful kid - the kind you dream about and make movies about. I am so grateful for this child being in my life, and her mother's life. Her biological father, fortunately, is out of her life right now!
I'm doing ok. I learned long ago how it a) doesn't help them and b) messes me up if I try to fix other people. My daughter is sober and if there's a bright spot in any of this, she's going to more meetings - and her husband is too.
I'm praying for my blonde drama goddess every day. And her trooper of a mom. I once had a "past life" flashback... my daughter and I were trench soldiers in some long ago war, and I remember feeling that I wouldn't want anyone else at my side. My daughter... in this life... also heard me when she was 12, 13, 14, and I said whatever you do.. you must survive. This too shall pass - the angst of being a teenager. Of being an oddball, of being contemplative, of being beautiful surrounded by snobbery, jealousy, injustice, and just plain spite. She heard me. We're giving the same message to Drama Goddess. I hope it's enough. Actually, I know it's not enough - she needs God's grace, as do we all.
Aloha Barisax!! Thank God (HP) that there is spiritual programing in the family. Of course you've got the prayers. That is what we do for each other.
13 and 14 years of age? I wouldn't do that again even with the bottle in my lap. All those fears and chemicals and lack of experience crashing into each other all at the same time? OMG and there are thousands of them and their forming their own groups and communities and ...when there are recovering family members around them it might not be so bad over time. Have you checked out the availability of Alateen in your area? I won't hurt to ask and if there is...take her to a first one. Just my ESH. I've seen it save minds, bodies, spirits and emotions including mine.
I for one would like to hear how the miracle evolves in your family life.
It's great to hear from you again...You bring hope along with you.
You sound like a wonderful person who has learned the lesson of detachment and trust in HP in a BIG way.
I think one of the greatest gifts we can offer a child is to let them know they're wonderful no matter what. Acceptance of all that they are is priceless and comforting when they are going through so much in their teen years.
I'm glad to hear from you. Your granddaughter is very lucky to be raised in a program family. She will make it. Most teen girls are drama queens. Goddess is just another step to the extreme, but not as big a step as you might think. You already know to just stick to your program and this too shall pass, so I'll just send you some (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) and keep your family in my thoughts.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Good to read you on here Bari, again. I am sorry you are going through this but you know we are all here loving you and praying for you. Missed your perspective in the mix. Keep coming back! Hugs, J.
Thanks everybody for the prayers and support. The situation is ongoing and I know all too well that teenage goes on 7 years on the calendar, and until it's good and finished when it comes to reality. Even in moments of calm, one can never say you're out of the woods. But I have learned to enjoy those moments of calm, instead of using them all up worrying about what's next.
My precious ones don't live with me, they are in the same area but we don't see each other much more often than once a month. My daughter is the poster child for non-communication; not that she's not a good listener and talker - she is. But she won't pick up the phone until she's in it over her head and has been for some time. 97% of the time I'm the one calling, and only half the time do I reach her, then I have to get caught up on a weeks worth of happenings or more, within a 15 minute conversation. I've stopped asking about details, and in my conversations with her I've tried to keep the focus on her own sanity and sobriety, rather than granddaughter who is kind of around the dark side of the moon. I don't know what to say to her, but I think everything we've said so far is with the assumption that she wants to stay out of trouble, do the right thing, etc. Her actions indicate otherwise. But I remember being a teenager, so does my daughter, and we know that we can be 100% sincere in one moment and in the next a friend calls, or boredom sets in, and we're off and running.
My granddaughter is a "late bloomer" really. She is going to be 15 soon. Her mom was in serious trouble before she was even 13. I think mom fears the worst, that her daughter will have to go through the 9+ years of hell to get it, but I also realized a while ago that they are VERY different people, with different personalities, goals, different styles of dealing with things. Teenage female hormones can blur the vision, but underneath the person remains. As I found out myself when I quit drinking at the age of 31, wherever I go, there I am. Drinking didn't change the person I was, it merely stunted my growth and postponed a lot of life experience I was dodging. Sobriety didn't change the person I am, it merely allowed that person to become more real, and start to grow and learn again.
Detachment is easy for me, not living with anyone (although I will likely be married some time in 2009). I can't imagine what it would be like if my daughter's family lived with me, and I was subjected to the drama every day, all day. Or even if she called me every evening with a blow-by-blow. Nope, she's not a phone communicator, I've always complained - but maybe it's time to be thankful for small blessings!
