I have received such a great gift from this program!  I remember when I first came here, scared, alone, bitter, angry, full of resentment, disappointed, feeling as if my life was over.  And in fact, life as I knew it was over.  It took many bumps in the road along the way but I would never have known how truly strong I am, would never have known my own likes and dislikes, would never have known my strengths and weaknesses had it not been for this program. 

In the beginning I felt like I had a gaping hole in my heart that would never ever heal.  I felt guilty all the time, mean, like everything was always my fault and my responsibility.  Then slowly I began to change.  I let the responsibilities lie where they belonged and stopped accepting them as my own.  I felt less and less guilty and more and more wronged.  Eventually this turned into anger and then finally compassion for my addict husband with a hint of disappointment that things didn't go the way I wanted but all the bitterness and anger left me.  I have no ill will toward him anymore, only pity.  

Then I began living my life, truly living it and not just going through the motions.  Trying new things, finding out what I like rather than just going along with his likes as I had in the past.  Finally, really looking at myself, sure I was doing a lot but I could do more.  I could be a better parent.  I could make time for school activities.  I could work harder at getting my kids to where they need to be to have productive, happy lives.  The entire time I was with and a long time after leaving my A I was so absorbed in HIM I didn't have time for THEM!!!  Then I was absorbed in myself, my self pity, my guilt for never having enough for them, etc.  I was lazy.  I didn't want to get up early and take them to school, I wanted to sleep so I did.  I didn't want to pay attention to letters and progress reports and school activities.  Then I realized this is my number one priority.  It's not him, it's not me it's my kids!  I still take care of me but I put a lot more effort into taking care of them and it's paying off. 

So this holiday season I feel overjoyed to be free from the burdens of my past, to have this great strength that I never knew I had, to know that I can survive the worst and come through shining, to be grateful for my children rather than see them as a burden upon me, to be aware and attentive and living in the moment every day.  Sure I can do better, there's always room for improvement!  I'm so thankful for this great gift that has given me freedom and hope for the future and strength beyond anything I ever imagined!  Thanks to all of you who have helped me along the way with your words of wisdom, kindness and understanding as no one else could ever understand!