The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
At my ftf meeting last night the topic was "Taking Care of Ourselves". One of the directions this topic started carrying those sharing was taking care of ourselves by learning to relax.
In the 4 and a half years I have been coming to al-anon, I have gone through different stages of things that were relaxing to me. In the beginning, as I was going through my divorce my mind was so cluttered with emotions that I could not just sit down quietly somewhere and "take it easy". Though my body might be still, my mind was running rampant and this "down time" was anything but relaxing. I learned I had to keep myself busy. I had this big house where a family of 4 had lived and which I now lived in by myself. The house was suffering from abuse and neglect. Over the ten years of living with active alcoholism, and my progressively worsening al-anonism, things just didn't get done. So I got busy. I cleaned, repaired, repainted, remodeled (even knocked out a wall!). I loved it! The work was hard, it kept my mind occupied and the satisfaction it gave me at the end of the day to see the progress I was making was so good for me on so many levels. It was hard physical work, but it left me feeling better. Recharged.
Eventually my mind started to quiet down and I didn't have to keep it diverted in order to keep it peaceful. And I started looking for other ways to relax. Step 11, "sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God....." seemed tailor made to also be a relaxation tehnique. I tried different ways to do this meditation to varying degrees of success. But ultimately the one I found that worked best for me was to go for a walk, especially in the outdoors, but even walking around my town in the evenings became my mediation time. And this method is still the one I enjoy the most and get the most good out of. I get back home after my hour long walks and feel re-energized despite being physically tired.
In my meeting last night, a long time member was sharing one of her favorite ways to relax and to meditate which really brought back memories for me. She said she likes to go out into a big grassy field, get a kite up in the air then just lay down and watch the kite and day dream.
Oh man that hit me! Oh how I loved to do that as a child and my early teens. I could just feel the tug of the kite pulling at my hand, hear the wind fluttering under its wings, feel the breeze blowing over me, the smells of the grass. How wonderful and peaceful.
And even as I thought about that I remembered how that changed for me, when one day, I saw a young boy and his dad out flying kites in the same field I was laying in. Only they weren't doing the same kind of flying I was. They each had a kite with two strings tied to it and they could steer these kites! Making them dive, do loops in the air, strafe along the ground inches from crashing! The kites had short tails tied to them and as I watched the two began trying to steer their kite and "attack" the other kite's tail.
I was fascinated and went over to talk to them, to see where they had gotten the kites. I wanted one!!!!
They told me they built those kites themselves, and that they were "Chinese Fighting Kites".
To jump ahead, they taught me how to build one and I spent many, many hours over the years flying my own two stringed fighter kite! I could make that kite dance in the sky!
I was talking about this in a share during my meeting last night, in a more condensed version, when I heard myself say something like, "You know, once I discovered that new kind of kite, the old "lazy, one string, lay on the ground and stare at it" kite lost interest for me. Mainly because I couldn't control it".
I stopped in mid-speak if you will, and started laughing at myself. Of course I liked the fighter kite better! It allowed me to control it!!! While the one string kites can sometimes seem to have a will of their own. They drift along with the wind. They go for all practical purpose where nature wills them to. I hold the string, but God blows it around where He wants it!
It was such a great visual for me about my need to control. One I will not forget, and wanted to share with you all.
I left that meeting with a strong desire to find a simple one string "Tony the Tiger" kite, like my favorite kite I had as a kid and to go lay out in a field and lazily fly that kite.....and dream...and be at complete peace. The ultimate in relaxation!
When I was young, when I would ask my mom for something ridiculous she would sometimes tell me to "Go fly a kite," which of course meant...no! Lol.
Great advice though, I can't wait for a windy day with some time on my hands!
Oh by the way. Kites played another major role in my life. That young man flying kites with his dad 33 years ago became my best friend. He was a year ahead of me in school, but all through junior high and high school and to this very day we have remained friends. He taught me how to have fun as a young man. I could write a book about all the things we did (and continue to do). His mom and dad are my second set of parents, and they celebrated their 50th anniversary last year.
I sit here right now in awe. My life long friend and my second dad were introduced to me by a couple of kites. Kites riding on the currents blown by my higher power. And there I was laying in the grass, minding my own business, relaxing......and I was given one of the greatest gifts of my life.
My family I say to you with much love in my heart...."Go fly a kite!"
ah David, your post is perfectly timed for me and I thank you!
I too have many memories of flying a kite or looking for shapes in the clouds. We just had our first snow today so it may not be the season for kite flying but kite flying will be a good visual for meditation ( I need to start that soon) until the spring winds blow again.
My parents always brought kites for each of our children/their grandchildren. There is nothing better than the memories of my elderly parents helping a 3 yr old (years ago) harness the power of the wind and see the wonder & joy in the eyes of both my children & parents on a warm breezy spring day.
I am trying to remember the memories of joy vs chaos more now and since both parents are now gone as of this year, your kite flying post is a gift in more ways than one. Yup, I've been told "go fly a kite" many times too. Sounds great!!
let's go fly a kite, up to the highest height
let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Perhaps many of us gave up the joy of kite flying because it was just another thing we couldn't control in the insanity of our lives. You are not alone on that one! hugs, ddub
-- Edited by ddub at 20:23, 2008-11-07
__________________
"Choices are the hinges of destiny." Pythagoras You can't change the past, but you can change the future.
Thank you for an awesome share. I love the images and the idea of another human being drawing so much pleasure from such a simple activity.
I too like to walk around my town and outdoors a lot. Last weekend when I was out walking, I saw the most beautiful blue birds outside. The flew from tree to tree, higher and higer and I thanked HP for the beauty of nature. They really made me forget all my worries.
Have a wonderful weekend and I hope you get outside.
I love your way with words, the visual image this share gave brought tears to my eyes. For a million and one reasons and for no particular reason. It's been a pleasure being allowed to read a day from your journal. The rewards, successes, growth and understanding. Most of all another awe inspiring example of how to really relax.
I just read your beautiful post at 6:40 AM, already up and already stewing. I stewed all night in my dreams and each of the four times I woke up. I have been stewing lately to the point where I am sicker than I already am with the cancer...our family situation makes me sicker than recurring cancer....that is so ridiculous. I know it is the whole control factor which you so perfectly addressed.
I am not going to fly a kite literally today! But I will try to do so figuratively. I am not sure what that means, but with our dysfunctional family sinking deeper into crisis this week, I must find a way. I will have surgery this coming Wednesday. Continuing treatment will take about 9 days. If I don't find some peace within my soul, it is going to be more traumatic than it need be. So thanks for the great analogy, the great ideas you presented to me this morning. I always love reading what you have to say, David.
Oh the lump in my throat! Not sure what about it moved me the most....probably the way that simple story telling can reveal such unexpected and profound truths....and that feeling when the light goes on in our minds/hearts when we are made aware of them. It conjures images in my mind of ways that I embraced control even as a child.....
I'm learning my need to control is and was all about trying to undo the past and not having good boundaries. Good boundaries and self preservation it took al anon to teach me. Thank you for the wonderful visual images. I am glad you can relax now and spend so much time self reflecting. Self reflection was not an option for me when I was so obsessed with the A.
let's go fly a kite, up to the highest height 
hugs, ddub
