The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Once I let go and Let God, my life got so much better. As you know, I left my AH of 8 years marriage, 11+ years of relationship. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I endured mental abuse, some physical abuse, the worst of name calling, threats, family discord between my grown daughter, her husband, and him. Holidays were a nightmare for me. My family could not be together. I have been heartbroken for years. There were restraining orders, 2 in fact, several years apart. Plus one years ago when we dated. We have a 20 year history...... Today, I don't recognize myself or my life. I have lost weight, I no longer rely on medication to get me thru the day. My aches and pains are gone. My heart is beating stronger. My daughter, her husband, and my little grandbaby have a wonderful relationship. My step-granddaughter (his A son's baby) and I have a wonderful relationship. I am working hard to be honest with myself and with others. Too many years of living the way I was living, made me feel like I was living a lie. And I was. A fairy tale. Today, I have both eyes wide open. And yes, I have found love again, or rather it found me, as I was not looking for it in the least. I was prepared to live the rest of my life alone. Then one night, I looked into the bluest, kindest eyes I've ever seen on a man. And he smiled at me. Whew, was I scared! Oh no! I knew I was falling, and I didn't want to. We began keeping company. Going out to dinner, lunch. Shopping. Went to a concert together. Went dancing. Went to the flea market. I met his parents on the 2nd date. They are lovely people. He is the best man I have ever known. Not an A. No issues that I can detect. Calls me, sends texts, always tells me he loves me, thinks I am "hot" (LOL), helps me do anything I need. Takes me on fun dates. Or we just sit and watch TV. He is settled, kind, has a good job, a new car, is polite to everyone he talks to, my friends like him, my daughter likes him (surprise!!!) and my son in law does too. And he loves my cat, and she loves him. Everything my ex was, my new love is NOT. My heart is so happy. But at the same time, I'm scared. I don't know that I have ever loved, or been loved this deeply. I'm serious. This is a grown-up mature kind of love, and I am so happy, it frightens me. Do I deserve to be this happy? What if something happens to take him away from me? Silly, I know. But after years of being called fat, a whore, a slut, ugly, stupid, dumb......and I know I am none of those things. But here comes this man, who is 10 years YOUNGER than me (and SO cute!) who adores me. Who is kind and selfless, we can talk, he listens to me. He makes me feel calm, and whole, and protected. It is as if God looked down, finally, and saw how much effort I had put into my marriage to someone who didn't love me or appreciate me......and now God says "OK, Becky.......here you go. Someone to treat you the way you should have been treated all along. Someone who sees you as you are, and loves all that you are." What a gift! I am living proof that life can get better. No matter how dark it seems. Those of you who know me know the hell I went thru. Now HP has truly blessed me. And that woman who didn't want to live....well, now I want to live forever! Love in Recovery, Becky1
Becky, That is am amazing share. Thank you so much. I know recovery is possible with posts and shares like that. I am so happy for you. Enjoy your relationship because yes you do deserve it. Congratulations!!
That looks like the description of a miracle...we all get them and we all deserve them because of HP's love. I read the "what if" part of your post and I remember "what iffing" alot also until my sponsor told me that recovery balance comes when I also "what it not". Otherwise I keep projecting doom and gloom. The only sure thing I have is this program and working it for me, my spirit, my peace of mind and serenity. I am not married to an alcoholic anymore and don't have anyone to blame for how life comes out for me. Good wife or not I need this 12 X 12 spiritual program to have a life. My recovery also gives my current wife hope.
OH, thanks everyone.....I almost didn't share this, because so many people have told me "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is" but you know, I just don't think I believe that......because if that IS true, what about miracles, where do they fit in?
I just wanted to make it clear that I do not base my self worth on what my boyfriend tells me, but he just reconfirms what I knew in my heart was true all along. I am a good person. I am beautiful inside and out. I am a good parent, a good worker, a good friend, a good lover. I have lots of people who care about me. I got out of a bad relationship, got a better car, got a nice apartment. That I am doing just fine. He has said all of those things to me, and today I believe them. I truly believe HP was preparing me all my life for a good man to come along and share my life with me. And I think this may just be the one. But we're still taking it slow, after all, we have our whole lives ahead of us. Like he said, he's not going anywhere, and neither am I. I believe my D. is a gift from God. He is my angel, sent to watch over me.
Jerry, I love the "What if NOT" concept. What a new way of thinking for me....thank you!
I enjoyed reading your post too! that's what this is all about, a better life, a better relationship, with ourselves first, so that we have something a little more healthy to bring to the table, for any outside relationships, whether it be friend, family or lover!
(I too am a "what iffer" and I enjoyed Jerry's "What if Not?"!! I think I will from this day forward become a "what if Not-er" instead!!!)
Thank you for such a lovely post. I smiled as I read it. Hope is everything and your story is full of it. Enjoy your new relationships, I'm joining the what if Nots too !
ty so much for sharing becky i really needed to hear that. it reminds me that i was once too at that point and i know i can get there again. im so happy for you take care
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stay in the now...dont look forward, dont look back....your life is what you make of it
I'm glad you are happy. I want to base my new life on that being single is enough. I can't wait for a man to make me happy. I have to be happy regardless.
I am glad for you that you found someone who is good to you. Certainly you deserve that.
I know in the early days of my relationship with the A he was generous, kind and could not do enough for me. I also know that there were signs. I did not heed those signs. I'm not cautioning you to look for anything. I'm just simply stating early days in most relationships are good. There was both good and bad in my relationship with an A for a long long time. In the end it was all bad and all me giviing. The relationship did not start out that way indeed at many times in our relationship the A "gave" to me and was generous and kind. Alcoholism destroyed all that. I am know I am really clear now that I have to meet all my needs and take care of me and I will never again make myself that vulnerable. I'm not ruling out finding someone but finding someone is not an issue for me. I have to find "me".
I'm glad you feel deeply and happily in love. I'm happy for you. I hope your new program works for you and that it continues to be happy.
