The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have had a lot of resentment towards my aunt over the years. Mostly because of her verbal and emotional abuses towards me. It also frustrates me because I work for her and she always tells me what I should do work and non work related. But, today I decided to detach from her. I did was she asked me to do work related happily. I did not complain mentally or out load. When I started to get frustrated I said the serenity prayer. I calmed down and actually tried to meditate on the work I was doing and be in the moment and not let anger or worry
take over. It worked. Then later when she changed my days and I had plans I'm still not sure what to do but I decided I would just do the best that I could and not let her changing my schedule effect today. I will just see what happens when the day arrives on what I choose to do or not to do. I went out to dinner with my aunt and she wanted me to get something else but I wanted the burger she was trying to make me feel bad in my opinion so I would get something else but I got the burger anyway. It ended up being a nice meal. I also have resentment towards Abby who tried to break up me and my fiance a year ago. I feel like I am slowly letting that go. I feel like I've forgiven her. I can say her name and type it without cringing lol. I know that if I ran into her on the street I would not be afraid of her I would just smile and leave it at that. I don't have resentment towards my fiance. I know that alcoholism is a disease. That is not an excuse but it's like cancer it might be in remissen but it's never completely gone. He will always be an A. I love him and he loves me we are both human I choose to stay with him and he has chosen to stay with me even though I am not perfect. I haven't always been the kindest person to him I treated him harshly and judged him because of his addictions I made him feel guilty when he already felt guilty. It just turned me into a mean person but he loved me anyway. So if he can accept me for who I am then I can and have accepted him for who he is. Thanks for letting me share.
I have always surrounded myself with people who tried to fix direct and control me. Now I do not. The journey out was a long one. I certainly don't have a happy resentment free life. Nevertheless detachment did give me a way to look at my life in a different way.
I have options. I did not like the options I have. This week I have to choose not to do one social thing I would so much like to do next week but my survival takes precedence over being social.
Is there any way you can spend less time with your aunt? Is there a way that you choose otherwise?
I certainly can embrace that alcoholism is a disease. As such I really choose to minimize how much it affects me. I am grateful this Thanksgiving that no one's alcholism will be affecting me. Every other year it did, this year it will not.
Thanks for the responses. I am trying to work the program as best as I can. Like they say progress not perfection. I can't spend less time with my aunt as I work for her. But, once the holidays are over I think I'll be looking for another job. Addictions are a disease but I'm not saying it's an excuse for the A to drink because it's not. We all make our own choices. But I am choosing to accept my A for who he is even the parts like the drinking and drug abuse that I don't like. But just because I accept it dosen't mean I'm OK with it. But, i'm learning that when or if the time is right he will get help and go into recovery or take it seriously. He is not ready for that right now and if I want to stay with him which as of right now I do because that's what I feel is best for me right now then I have to accept it. I also have to understand he might never recover and I have to be ok with that as well. It's been 8 years of his addictions but I've loved spending 8 years with the man. Yes his addictions make him do things that I'm not happy about but the man makes me happy. Underneath it all I know he loves me. I am trying to support him as best as I can because I would want him to do the same for me. Sorry for responding with such a long post.
