The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted here once about a year ago. Shortly after that my husband stopped drinking for a little while because I asked him to. I fooled myself into thinking everything was ok. I was wrong. He started drinking again quite a while ago. Slowly at first...and then progressively more. I started finding water bottles filled with vodka lying around. He of course would say he didn't know where they came from when I would confront him about it. The last couple weekends he's been drinking at home and passing out on the couch. It is really starting to get to me now. I need to find a place I can turn to for support. My husband does not believe that he has a problem. He thinks that since he is drinking at home and it is not causing "problems" there is not thing wrong with it.
I grew up with an alcoholic in my family. My mom denied it most of my life. I don't want to live like that. I am pregnant now and don't want my child to grow up like that, but I don't them to grow up without a father either.
Welcome back to MIP! You are definitely in the right place and you are welcome here any time.
I also have an actively drinking AH, and I can recall a time where he was still in denial. Making excuses, blatantly lying, rationalizing etc. My behavior also wasn't very good. I got so upset with the AH behaviors, my owns behaviors spiraled out of control as well. I became an angry, raging lunatic. Sometimes, I'm ashamed to say, in front of my son.
There were a few things that I found helped me in my situation. First, although this board feels like a safe way to get support, it's definitely not the same as going to a face to face meeting. I really found the face to face meetings helped. I cried a lot, listened a lot, and got some ideas about how to handle myself better. I thought I was going to learn how to "handle my husband", but no. They encouraged me to focus on me. Because of the three C's. I didn't cause it, I can't cure it and I can't control it. That last one really sucks!
I also read a lot of Al-Anon literature. When I was feeling desperate, I could disengage and go read something that made me feel like I wasn't alone. I also started trying to work on my enabling behaviors (that's a work in progress....see my post on this board tonight....progress not perfection). Finally, I learned about boundaries. What they are, whether I should have any, how to use them to look after myself and my son. I have to say that this was the most foreign concept of all.
Please keep coming back to this forum, and most importantly, work on you!
Welcome back to the message boards. I've only been on here for about a week but I'm already getting so much support from the members here. I would say keep coming back reading and sharing. The serenity prayer really helps me when I'm frazzled and not sure what to do. Change what you can and accept what you can't have the wisdom to know the diffrence. Slogans and spending time with my HP. Also doing yoga and meditation help me as well. Take what you like and leave the rest.
