The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have some court-related divorce stuff to deal with this week. I have a judge who is siding with my ex, massively and unfairly. I have an attny who costs alot and doesnt give a rip. I live 1000 miles from where all the court stuff is happening and cannot get there to deal with stuff more directly w/o quitting my new job. I am at a huge disadvantage but I am determined to get through this by hook or by crook.
I have a telephone meeting with my lousy attny today and telephone court appt with the referee/judge, two attny's and ex A on Weds. God help me.
I need your prayers for the best outcome and retaining a positive attitude of acceptance but mostly, I need your prayers to help me let go and let god and trust that all this is meant to be and is all for the very best somehow. I need your prayers to help me to trust in this painful journey. To believe that somehow injustice is meant to be. Thanks you guys, this really helps me to know I am not standing alone in all this mess. love, J.
Keep up that positive attitude of acceptance! If you're frustrated at a distance, can you imagine how frustrated and angry you'd be if you had to see your ex F2F? Maybe the distance is a blessing.
((((Jean)))) Having been in a similiar situation myself I can understand how you must be feeling. Just trust your HP and keep the faith. Sometimes we don't always see what is right in front of us and spend to much time staring at the closed door that we miss the open window. You're in my prayers shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Jean, when I went through my divorce I felt the same way; frustrated and couldn't see through all of it to think there was a "lesson" anywhere. Now, 7 yrs later I realize I DID need to go through all that and I am stronger for it. My prayers are with you, this too shall pass. Good Luck dd
Aw, Jean. I am so sorry you are going thru this. The good news is once it's over you never have to go thru it again.
As far as your atty goes, is there any way you could get a new one? I know it is late in the game but maybe THAT is what is supposed to happen? I mean, we know that HP doesn't always do things the way we wish HP would. That means sometimes we have to do the footwork to get a desired result. And desired results are not always bad, just like going with the flow is not always good.
Remember you have a voice in all of this. If you don't agree, there are recourses you can take. Only you know what you will be able to live with.
For me, there was no question. He is an abusive crackhead, I get the kids. Done. There were a few things that my idiot lawyer overlooked. Like making me pay for all of the kids med bills and ask my ex to reimburse me 74 percent. Well, duh!!!! Has any abusive crackhead EVER been responsible enough to reimburse ANYONE????? LOL!!! I was just glad to be done. But I had the worst lawyer in the whole world. When ex wanted to fight for custody (after not even seeing the kids for almost a year and haveing NO contact with them at ALL) I hired a lawyer who came highly recommened. He ran away with his tail between his legs. The sense of security I had with lawyer #2 is indescribleable.
Ofcourse, no matter what you will be ok. Your only decision at this point as I see it is what can you live with? Because if it is something more than you are currently getting then now is the time to stand up, and scream for change. Your ex has no power over you any longer. None. My thought is fight. But that is easy for me to say.
This too shall pass ((((((((((((((jean)))))))))))))))
Remember to use your program. Do the best with what you have. Share your story quietly and truthfully. Be honest and be humble and be the one that stands up for yourself. Recite the Serenity prayer before the phone calls and before each response and continuously keep yourself turned over to your Higher Power who doesn't give a rip about mundane divorce stuff but cares most about you His daughter. Decide what it is that you honestly need before you enter the discussion and ask for it or give it and then of course...let go of the outcome and turn the whole thing including yourself, themselves etc. over to your Higher Power. Don't balk at the crazies because the crazies are a given and you have awareness already...more then the others. Stay in acceptance, the steps, the slogans and serenity of this program.
I will keep you in mind and my prayers that when it is over there will just be Jean and she will be free.
The best advice I got when I was going thru my divorce "negotiations" was to treat it like a business deal. Do the best I could to leave all the emotions out of the equation and make the best deal I could for me.
Know what is acceptable and unacceptable beforehand. Be willling to compromise, and focus on the big picture.
The other great thing was to keep all my program friends with me during the talks. I did this symbolically in the form of a screw that I carried with me that I could hold in my hand and remind me that I am not alone. My HP, and all my program family is right there with me! It helped tremendously to keep myself focused.
Positive thoughts and prayers headed your way my friend!
(((Jean))))) Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers....I'm so sorry you are going thru all of this. I'm glad you know you are not standing alone in all of this. Keep taking care of you. sending you big hugs, rosie
Pipers Kitty and I have our fingers, toes, legs, arms, paws and tail (her tail, not mine ) crossed for a positive outcome. We are also sending you all the love and prayers we can muster. You are a strong woman and I know you will pull through this just fine. Much love and blessings to you. Hope you're enjoying your new job.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
-- Edited by Karilynn at 09:47, 2008-10-22
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Hi Jean my prayers are with you for today is Wed and I'm hoping your thoughts are all wrong and the judge and your attorney will side in your favor. I think I will be going through a Divorce within the year. There is not one person I know who ever had anything good come out of what your going through and just maybe all your prayes will come true. Please know what goes around, comes around, it may take 10 years or longer but everyone even judges need to answer to someone someday. May you somehow find some peace to after today. Kelly
Hi Jean.... sending you warm wishes, and also hope you're wrong about the competence of your lawyer.... Like somebody else pointed out - they work for you - so I'd encourage you to challenge your lawyer with a list of concerns that need addressing. That being said, the legal process was mind-numbing for me.... I thought I knew what "fair" was, but it turns out that "fair" is a relative word, and only vaguely connected to "legal"..... For me, the key was to change my expectations, focus on the "really important" one or two items that I truly cared about, and stopped sweating the small stuff (that didn't seem very small at the time).
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I kept it all real simple. I answered "yes" and "no" and took a lot of time to think first. I did not get upset, angry or cry and I was really surprised and pleased about that!!!! Like I said, I kept it oh so simple and remained in each moment completely.
I did not get smarmy or sarcastic either.
I placed the outcome in gods hands. Its not what I want but I know its enough and perfect for me.
I got nothing in the end except my total freedom which now looks like a heck of a lot when I look back. But its all over and done with and I AM FREE AT LAST!!! I do not EVER need to go back there or look at him or deal with him. I am free to go about my own business with the weight of the outcome of this situation over and done with.
I have a new life and I am really quite happy right here and right now!! This program really works!!! Hugs and so much love and gratitude for each and every one of you for standing next to me thru thick or thin- J.
in my prayers all week long. 
) crossed for a positive outcome. We are also sending you all the love and prayers we can muster. 
You are a strong woman and I know you will pull through this just fine. Much love and blessings to you. Hope you're enjoying your new job.
