Aloha Family !!

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend and only peace of mind and serenity
surrounded you.  My weekend was wierd...uh different in many ways and
a little off balance.  Thanks to the program I can use "little off" today and not
anything more.Truck is fixed...that's a biggie and all the fears were unfounded.
Yeah I didn't complain about that because....  Saturday mornings SOS meeting
was on silence.  Great topic and meeting.     - My mind was on the airport -
Didn't go to the school reunion with my brothers because of several real issues
and my desire not to be unrealistic and make matters (financial mostly) worse.
It was on Oahu 300 miles by air away and whatever it wasn't an issue.  - I need
to go back to the airport and see that security gal -    Sunday morning home
meeting was awesome.  AA at the bay (the avatar picture is a part of the
location scenery) and 60 to 70 people doing some supportive sharing just
creates soooo much grace for me it can't help but open up the possibilities.
-  I will do the apology today.  It needs to happen because she is still
remembering and possibly still hurt and resentful  -  

I had asked my wife to pick up three leis for my family's arrival and I made a
4th one to be put in the ocean in memory of my dead sister's birthday.  She
was a great person very loving and supportive when I wasn't ready.  Picked
the flowers and the fern and got thru the frustration of creating what came
out in the end fine.   - It doesn't matter if she accepts the apology or not.
That's her right.  Apologize promptly or....carry the guilt and shame.  -

Went to a baby shower!! geeeez!!  Al-Anon baby shower with one other
male member there with me for the moment.  Gad you gals can get crazy!
I haven't heard such whooooping and hollering from women in one smallish
room since I don't know when.  I felt at home because these are all my
recovery sisters and I am accepted never begrudgingly.  It was fun and
not football for once.

Off to the airport.   Didn't drive around and around. parked the car.   Walked
across the traffic lanes to get to the arrival area.  (traffic lanes...no traffic).
There she is.  It looks like the gal.  How could I berate a person and then
forget exactly what she looks like?  Sad.  I think she sees me but she turns
to go to another post.  I don't chase after her.  Let God arrange the event.
It will be 15 or more minutes before the planes come and I can wait.  My car
is parked LOL.  And then there she is standing in the traffic lanes like her
job tells her to do.  She is the same women because she looks at me and
unemotionally says. "I know who you are.  I remember you."  This isn't
applause material and I approach her and ask if she can come closer.  Anonymity.  It's my business with her this time not anyone elses as it was
when I started the need for a 10th step.  I didn't stop to care then who
else heard and or what was thought of it. I make my apology relieving her of
any responsibility for what I did and using nothing to justify what I did.  What
I did was self seeking, self centeredness, self pity.  It  might have been selfless
if I had held on to what I had been taught in program.  Reality was the need
for a 10th step.  Up close she was also pregnant and willing to meeting my
apology with acceptance.   It was done and I was lighter by about 20 to 30
pounds of guilt and shame and worry for her.  Amazing how my compulsion to
destroy what I fear acts faster than a lightening strike.  I have a slogan "Think"
and another reason to use it.   Brothers came in, leis and kisses and life has
gone on.

I am glad this program has a 10th step and I have learned the consequences
of using it elsewise I would have worked up only to step nine and then returned
to the insanity of my own making.

Mahalo for all of you for your active support.   (((((hugs)))))