The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH used to drive and I didn't. I have a friend that would sometimes need us to feed her dogs while she was away. After awhile I just had her check with AH since he was the one driving, he would need to know the schedule. That was before he started drinking. After he started drinking he has become very untrustworthy. He would come back from there house with DVDs and games, just "borrowing" them. I was very upset about it. The last time I didn't want to be involved at all, I told the lady "I wont be involved at all" and she made arrangements with him. Ididn't want to know anything about it. But when he came home smelling like beer I knew he drank thier beer and it drove me crazy. He also had software and games. I have no doubt he took money because these are very trusting people who leave money laying around, and he can't stop himself. I was trying not to be controlling. Anyway, this last weekend they needed help again and asked him, but I jumped in and took over because I just can't take a repeat. So while I am at thier house getting instructions, thier mom, who's going on the same trip calls him and asks if he can feed her dog while she's gone. To make a long story short, he took wine from her house and who knows what else. SHe is a nice older lady, it makes me so mad. I think I just need to come out and tell them, he is an alcoholic and not trustworthy, please don't ask these favors of him anymore. It's just too bad, because they are nice people, and when alot of poeple here wont give my H the time of day, they go out of their way to give him a chance.
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
Before u tell them about your husb , make sure u can prove the accusations, or you will end up looking like the crazy one . I would stay out of his stuff , these people have to know that things are missing and if they still choose to have him in thier home thats thier business and if he really screws up leave him to get out of his own mess . Just my opinion . and remember you are not responsible for your husbands actions .
I always told AH that if he got into legal trouble because of his drinking, it was his responsibility to get himself out of it. I too don't drive. I was not about to bail him out if he got caught drinking and driving. I would bring or send his meds down to jail (he would have died without them) but the rest was up to him.
I can't imagine that these people don't realize that things are missing. Perhaps they are turning a blind eye to what is going on. Perhaps not. That's their choice. I would absolutely stay out of it. If you don't want to feed the dogs because you can't get there, so be it. That's understandable. If he wants to, that's his choice. As someone once reminded me, allow him the dignity of making the choice to do what he wants. He's an adult. Allow him to suffer the consequences of his actions. His recovery or not, is up to him. Your recovery is up to you. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
__________________
It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Yes, I am worried they will hold me responsible for his actions. I could list all the people who have been in and out of my life because they could not handle him for one reason or another. I have always told myself that they were not real friends. They trust him because they trust me. I know that if I am house sitting, I'm not going to open closed doors, and help myself to whatever I want. I'm honored that someone trusts me to thier house. I found out the hard way that he does not share my point of view, and I feel very responsible. I intervened for the one couple and am irritated that I couldn't clean up for the other one too. I can't cover up for him. I did it to protect myself because I do not want to lose thier friendship. I absolutely do not trust my AH whatsoever. I feel like I have a responsibility to protect these people from him. I would't put it past him to break into her house.
__________________
I'm like a pinch of tea...put me in hot water and see how strong I can be.
