The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Sorry to ask but I need you all with me, am feeling very unsure and anxious. My Abf is coming home tomorrow from rehab for a 3 day visit. A few short weeks ago I would have given anything to have time with him, but now I'm really confused. He'd asked me not to contact him after being advised by his program to concentrate on his recovery, I accepted this after alot of kicking and screaming! got into my program and started to try and heal myself. Then about ten days later, following him having an accident he got back in touch, we talked alot on the phone, I asked why he was wanting to remain in touch and was it just cos he'd broke his leg, he said he'd been advised wrongly by his worker and had took other advice and really wanted me in his life, ok maybe I should of stopped right there. I just wanted to see him once more to really talk about all what had gone on and because of his injury I got all over involved, it's now come to him staying here for the home visit. I really want to set some boundaries and clear up a few issues. I dont feel he's done anything wrong it's just with my new found insight into my codependancy and his recovery I want to do the right thing (still not 100% sure what that is). I need to be honest with myself, I need to state my true feelings and I need to stop people pleasing, all impossible for me usually. I dont know what to do, I dont want to finish our relationship but am worried its not healthy. Due to my long shifts I haven't been able to get to a f2f or chat room here, I am reading all the lit I have. I think I know what I need to do. I'm going to ask my HP to give me strength. I feel so mixed up it's making me ill. I'm almost dreading the weekend. Thanks for listening, I'd be grateful for any esh
This is all a change, things are not familiar. No wonder you feel apprehensive.This is when I find the one day at a time is important. Maybe one hour at a time, as you two see each other and talk.
It does not have to all be done in a day. Learning new skills, it is a bit scarey to begin using them. I blew it many times becuz i did not remember to use the skill till after! lol that is normal. at least we learn what situations are what so we hopefully will catch ourselves next time!
You are very introspective right now. It is all so new, and it gives us hope. Yet we don't know how the A will respond. Does not really matter as we are learning to think of US.
I reread your post. You know people pleasing is not a bad thing as long as it does not hurt you or them. Also we must refuel ourselves. You sound like a perfect person to journal. I did for years, it really helped.
I like drawing a circle that is me, then draw a line to another circle and put goals. then lines from that to my goals.
then another line from my circle me, that goes to my boundary circle then list what they are.
You can put all your thoughts there. Then refer back to it.
Just an idea for you. Ya know, it is ok to be confused. Just means you are not ready yet. Things will settle when they do. Forcing things makes it worse.
For me I really pay attention to how my heart feels. Also allowing my head to rest.
it is ok to do mundane things for therapy. I mean things like gardening or watching tv, or taking a nap with your critter.
resting is good. It is a great absorbing time.
Well I am praying that things go ok. Please don't be hard on yourself.
Only just managed to get onto this site since my father's funeral last Tuesday as I am at my sons at present.
You know I am in that boat that is sailing, and taking, just a short distance away from you, and I am waving to you encouraging you to be kind to yourself.
Babysteps, one moment at a time if necessary.
Listen to me telling you...that is the ONLY way forward for me right now...you are trusting your HP and you are LEARNING ABOUT YOURSELF AND THIS PROGRAMME, so be gentle. Lean on your HP when you feel weak, for it is in YOUR weakness that your HP can really work for you.
Sorry I am late in writing this, this family and you that means you too, have been in my thoughts as I have been sailing a rough sea for quite some time now.
Stay with it and know that you are doing just fine. Do not try to take on what is NOT yours to take on. The difficulty is in recognising what is NOT yours to take on and when I am not sure of what is mine to take on I try to give it to the God of my understanding, who happens to be my HP, and then rest and count to ten before I answer anyone else.
With Love, Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
